There are several theories about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Some people with NPD have Sociopathic traits. However if someone is a pure Sociopath, then they definitely display Narcissistic traits. It's pretty tough to distinguish sometimes which is what.
I sometimes think my Nmom just has NPD. Other times I wonder how she could be so unfeeling and a lot of times I've felt she's faked happiness and love toward me.
I DO know, for instance, that on some level my Nmom KNOWS the difference between right and wrong. The thing is she somehow figures out a way to change the rules for herself, like rationalizing, telling herself she is entitled to something because of whatever reason (ie being mistreated all her life while growing up, seldom getting what she wanted, trying to make her life easier by making "shortcuts," etc)...
So she thinks no one should blink an eyelash if she does something vengeful, says something hurtful, decides she shouldn't report all her earnings of property to Revenue Canada, thinks she should keep all her kids on title to properties even though they don't want to be in order to somehow get financial advantage, doesn't pay her employees enough money for 12 hour shifts, skimps on repairs for her properties, or takes too long to do them until the renters complain to the Rentalsman or Health Services and sue her. Even when she gets audited (more than once) by Revenue Canada, or gets sued by the Labour Board (more than once), her children going "behind her back" (because we didn't have any other choice and we knew she was lying) and finding things out with a Real Estate lawyer (me), and so on... Even though plenty of authorities have found her guilty as charged, she still somehow turns it around to not being her fault!! She blames her parents for her upbringing, she blames the authorities who blame her (because of the obvious evidence)... Somehow she won't come clean. There is some kind of danger to her psyche (so says my therapist)... If she ever were to admit there was something wrong with HER it would be so devastating it would somehow turn her inside out. This isn't me saying that it excuses her behaviour. Far from it. Because instead of dealing with HERSELF and pointing her finger back in the correct direction (at herself) she is protecting herself from ever being wrong. She can't fathom that she can be wrong.
She can't be, she has to be perfect. She can't be herself, she has to be Something Else, because her Self is not good enough to exist.
So she has lost her humanity, lost touch with empathy, sacrificed all relationships (except my dad who revolves around her and accepts all she says as Truth). She can't even share my father with us children, she can't share him with his family.
The dragon (my Nmom) keeps him locked up in her dark cave and whispers lies to him. He's like an Albatross feather (that worships her). Yet she needs him to fly. He's her eternal enabler. If he were ever to take the side of someone else, she would probably rip him to shreds and throw him out with the trash and then go hide in her deep dark cave feeling sorry for herself.
So I have this weird balance of feeling sorry for my mother (and father) but at the same time I know she can't be helped. She doesn't want help. She would prefer to abandon reality for her fake world where she's a wonderful human being and she's up against everyone else in the world (martyr).
I have been NC since May 2011 and I've never felt better. But I don't exactly HATE her... I don't know if I LOVE her either. She just is what she is, and I have decided it's best to let her be the way she is and not be involved with it. She's just this person who won't hurt me anymore. More of a bad memory that's fading. I used to feel guilt when I thought of her. Now I just feel this faint idea of regret or wistfulness. Wishfulness. A dream I woke up from. Reality: I have a biological mother. She doesn't know how to be a mother (or a person, for that matter)... She learned that to get love she had to get things. She thinks everything and everyone operates that way, too. She is sadly mistaken. Sadly for her.
I am content now, knowing that all this time it was her with the problem and there was nothing wrong with me. I am satisfied that I tried my best to get her to love me, but that goal is impossible, not because of ME but because of HER. She can't even really love herself, so how can she love anyone else? I still have some old habits I am having good progress on breaking because of being raised by her. But for the most part I have this feeling of peace. It took me about 40 years to get to this point. I like it this way.
I am reborn. Phoenix. From that which I thought was ash, I continue to grow into my New Self. Without you. With people who truly love me and support me. Like my husband, for instance.
Good bye, biological mom. You gave birth to me. I am now being reborn without you.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
JOURNALING
Have any of you been told by a therapist that you need to process
your various emotions? But perhaps you have difficulty with
"regulating" or "expressing" your emotions. After all a lot of us in
this group have been trained that our feelings don't count, we have to
suppress our feelings, and that we don't have a right to express our
feelings.
Also you may be remembering or having flashbacks of your past. These seem to occur randomly or sometimes something that never used to trigger them bring them up out of your subconscious. You are torn between wanting to remember certain things and between wanting to block out those same memories.
Or do you just have a hard time sleeping at night? Those thoughts about what coulda/shoulda/woulda are bouncing around inside your skull. Or you just can't get your thoughts to shut off and because you are trying to relax, every manner of things pops into your head: scenes from your uncomfortable and embarrassing moments when you're growing up, scenes from a show you watched, something bothering you at work, clips of a song, and nothing can seem to shut off this tumble of emotions and images in your mind.
Actually there may be a way to help yourself. You may have heard this before, but perhaps wondered when you find the time. Well the answer is, there is ALWAYS time to look after yourself. You just have to MAKE time. And make yourself a priority. Which for some of us is hard to do when we're so used to looking after everyone else! Some of us are workaholics and we don't want to lose focus on that. Some of us might be alcoholics or relationship dependent and we don't want to stop and think about why we are doing what we are doing. We just want to keep doing it because that's all we've done in the past. We are afraid to change because we don't believe in ourselves.
Well journaling may help you. What writing down things can do for you is help you organize your thoughts: that's good for some of us anxious ladies. Anxiety is something that causes our thoughts to race. When we are in that state of mind, there is no/little organization to them, they just race around and sometimes overwhelm us. We feel like we lack control.
Another thing it can do: help you become aware of thought patterns. Help you record things like sleep habits, eating habits, and mood. If you notice that you log in your journal that you drink 8 cups of coffee per day, and you have trouble falling asleep, you might notice this when you write it down: because maybe you didn't really think you drank THAT much coffee! If you are depressed a lot, maybe you could write down events or your menstruation cycle and notice that your mood may be linked more to events or hormones or if you are always down no matter what is happening, this could indicate a chemical imbalance. A trick my therapist taught me: if you can't sleep at night, write about what is bothering you during the day.
Perhaps your therapist has given you "homework." Or perhaps you are reading a book that wants to remember certain things or change the way you normally think. Do you remember when you used to study for exams? Didn't it help you to remember things to write them down?
It's a great way to look back at things later and see how much you've accomplished. It's good to refer back to once in a while. It's self-validation. It's something you can share with someone you trust, or something you can lock up in a safe/secure file.
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Other Links:
http://www.nomadjournaltrips.com/journal_writing
Journal Writing
Journal writing is known to be beneficial on a practical and therapeutic level. We think so highly of journal writing, we built our entire company around it!
http://www.createwritenow.com/
JOURNAL WRITING: THE PLANET'S BEST SELF-DISCOVERY TOOL
by Mari L. McCarthy
When You start and keep a daily Journaling for the Self of It™ practice, You discover who You really are, You heal your psychophysical wounds and create the life You desperately desire to live!
http://www.journaltherapy.com/rosen.htm
A Brief History of Journal Therapy
by Kathleen Adams Journal Therapy is the act of writing down thoughts and feelings to sort through problems and come to deeper understandings of oneself or the issues in one's life. Unlike traditional diary writing, where daily events and happenings are recorded from an exterior point of view, journal therapy focuses on the writer's internal experiences, reactions, and perceptions. Through this act of literally reading his or her own mind, the writer is able to perceive experiences more clearly and thus feels a relief of tension. This has been shown to have mental and physical health benefits.
Contributed by Alexis Saskia Geddes
http://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/
Morning Pages
Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning. There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages– they are not high art. They are about anything and everything that crosses your mind– and they are for your eyes only. Occasionally colorful, more often than not Morning Pages are negative, fragmented, repetitive or bland. Good! Worrying about your job, the laundry, the weird look your friend gave you – all that stuff distracts you from your creativity. It eddies through your subconsciousness and muddies your day. Get it on the page first thing in the morning and move on with your day with a freer spirit.
Also you may be remembering or having flashbacks of your past. These seem to occur randomly or sometimes something that never used to trigger them bring them up out of your subconscious. You are torn between wanting to remember certain things and between wanting to block out those same memories.
Or do you just have a hard time sleeping at night? Those thoughts about what coulda/shoulda/woulda are bouncing around inside your skull. Or you just can't get your thoughts to shut off and because you are trying to relax, every manner of things pops into your head: scenes from your uncomfortable and embarrassing moments when you're growing up, scenes from a show you watched, something bothering you at work, clips of a song, and nothing can seem to shut off this tumble of emotions and images in your mind.
Actually there may be a way to help yourself. You may have heard this before, but perhaps wondered when you find the time. Well the answer is, there is ALWAYS time to look after yourself. You just have to MAKE time. And make yourself a priority. Which for some of us is hard to do when we're so used to looking after everyone else! Some of us are workaholics and we don't want to lose focus on that. Some of us might be alcoholics or relationship dependent and we don't want to stop and think about why we are doing what we are doing. We just want to keep doing it because that's all we've done in the past. We are afraid to change because we don't believe in ourselves.
Well journaling may help you. What writing down things can do for you is help you organize your thoughts: that's good for some of us anxious ladies. Anxiety is something that causes our thoughts to race. When we are in that state of mind, there is no/little organization to them, they just race around and sometimes overwhelm us. We feel like we lack control.
Another thing it can do: help you become aware of thought patterns. Help you record things like sleep habits, eating habits, and mood. If you notice that you log in your journal that you drink 8 cups of coffee per day, and you have trouble falling asleep, you might notice this when you write it down: because maybe you didn't really think you drank THAT much coffee! If you are depressed a lot, maybe you could write down events or your menstruation cycle and notice that your mood may be linked more to events or hormones or if you are always down no matter what is happening, this could indicate a chemical imbalance. A trick my therapist taught me: if you can't sleep at night, write about what is bothering you during the day.
Perhaps your therapist has given you "homework." Or perhaps you are reading a book that wants to remember certain things or change the way you normally think. Do you remember when you used to study for exams? Didn't it help you to remember things to write them down?
It's a great way to look back at things later and see how much you've accomplished. It's good to refer back to once in a while. It's self-validation. It's something you can share with someone you trust, or something you can lock up in a safe/secure file.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Other Links:
http://www.nomadjournaltrips.com/journal_writing
Journal Writing
Journal writing is known to be beneficial on a practical and therapeutic level. We think so highly of journal writing, we built our entire company around it!
http://www.createwritenow.com/
JOURNAL WRITING: THE PLANET'S BEST SELF-DISCOVERY TOOL
by Mari L. McCarthy
When You start and keep a daily Journaling for the Self of It™ practice, You discover who You really are, You heal your psychophysical wounds and create the life You desperately desire to live!
http://www.journaltherapy.com/rosen.htm
A Brief History of Journal Therapy
by Kathleen Adams Journal Therapy is the act of writing down thoughts and feelings to sort through problems and come to deeper understandings of oneself or the issues in one's life. Unlike traditional diary writing, where daily events and happenings are recorded from an exterior point of view, journal therapy focuses on the writer's internal experiences, reactions, and perceptions. Through this act of literally reading his or her own mind, the writer is able to perceive experiences more clearly and thus feels a relief of tension. This has been shown to have mental and physical health benefits.
Contributed by Alexis Saskia Geddes
http://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/
Morning Pages
Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning. There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages– they are not high art. They are about anything and everything that crosses your mind– and they are for your eyes only. Occasionally colorful, more often than not Morning Pages are negative, fragmented, repetitive or bland. Good! Worrying about your job, the laundry, the weird look your friend gave you – all that stuff distracts you from your creativity. It eddies through your subconsciousness and muddies your day. Get it on the page first thing in the morning and move on with your day with a freer spirit.
NARCISISSM - Behaviours (Gaslighting, Triangulation, etc) and Definitions
HOW DO I KNOW IF SOMEONE IS A NARCISSIST?
Ladies come to this group and ask us if we can help them identify if their mother is indeed a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a Psychopath, or just someone with a Narcissistic Traits.
I've always made it our policy in this group to encourage members to get a confirmation from a therapist (or physician or other professional) that their mom (or other relative or friend) is definitely or is very likely what they think she is. There are other conditions, mood disorders and even medical conditions that can make a person seem like they have NPD. Some of our mothers may have BiPolar Mood Disorder, Asperger's, Autism spectrum, Borderline Personality Disorder, some kind of physical or medical issue or just a massive case of the Fleas (as we call people who have learned some behaviours because they were raised with Narcissistic Parents)...
These next few paragraphs I write are not from any specific sources, and are mostly from my memories, and could be flawed. I have read thousands of links and done a few years in therapy. The following is an interpretation of my way of understanding the difference between just displaying N Traits, the actual Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and the difference between those two things and Psychopathy.
Chances are if your mother is truly someone with NPD she will refuse to go to a therapist (unless she thinks it is to prove that her child is the one with the problem). However just because she won't get herself diagnosed, it doesn't mean you can't get a professional opinion from a therapist. I have done so myself. After several months of seeing my therapist and me describing the things my mother did during my childhood, I asked him what he thought was wrong with her. He said it sounded to him like she had Narcissistic Personality Disorder (although of course, he couldn't confirm this because she refused to come with me to see him! lol). But all the criteria fit. He initially said that he would be willing to meet with my mother. However, at one point later in our sessions, when I was telling him yet another thing she did in the past, he said that he would actually prefer it if she didn't come to any sessions! lol
Here is an email my therapist sent me regarding this: http://shadowsandreflectionsthedarkside.blogspot.ca/2008/09/wisdom-from-sensei.html
And here is an email another therapist sent me: http://shadowsandreflectionsthedarkside.blogspot.ca/2011/04/response-to-thread-from-pysch-forum.html
My therapist explained to me a little about the difference between NPD and a psychopath. A psychopath probably would actually offer to go to the therapist before you asked. Not for your benefit, but more for the reason that she/he might find new and interesting ways to manipulate a new plaything. Psychopaths prefer to play with humans and study them, with cold and detached interest, much like a human would study an ant or a frog in biology class. And by "play" I mean find ways to inflict pain, experiment with other people's emotions, etc. Psychopaths are very sneaky and masters of manipulation and deception, and can keep calm and keep their thoughts organized while they're bald-faced lying. They are unflappable. Because they've spent all their lives learning and observing when and how to "act" in certain situations, it might even be difficult for a therapist to catch right away. People with NPD do have some psychopathic traits sometimes, but a lot of the time they are so much more prone to tantrums, hysterics, and are typically more bound to be reactive, in a spontaneous and most unflattering, unfiltered manner, to the very first primitive behaviour that surfaces. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder act more like 3-year-olds in an adult's body. Psychopaths are MUCH more calculating and, from what I've heard from various sources, you get that shiver down your spine or the prickles in the back of your neck when you realize they are staring at you... They have this "deadness" to their eyes.
Now there are also people who are high on the spectrum of Narcissism: they are still high-functioning. They may occasionally slip up in social circles, but they aren't hell bent on self-sabotage like someone with a personality disorder. Some of these types even admit that they might be a pain to other people, but they will also admit that they don't care. There is HEALTHY Narcissism, but depending on how much of the N behaviour is displayed at any given time, these people with Narcissistic traits may just be irritating, but they do well in their jobs, and they have some good leadership skills. There are SOME good qualities with people who have a few Narcissistic Traits. But different people with different life skills and different walks of life may find less tolerant, while others are more on the "I can barely stand her/him, but at least he gets the job done."
People with the Narcissistic Personality disorder, I feel (although this is up in the air in various psychological/therapist circles), are more likely to act on emotion, less stable, more easily hurt, much more sporadic or impulsive and seem to be, as I mentioned, emotional infants. I personally don't know if these disordered people are unaware of what motivates them. I could definitely see if someone's mother was a psychopath that they would know what they were doing. I am very certain that my own mother has done things and known they were wrong, but she also rationalizes, changes her version of the truth/history, and routinely gaslights and claims she can't remember saying or doing something. My own therapist thought she was mostly disordered. He did say that some people with NPD can display some of the traits of a psychopath. So I guess this is one thing us ladies will have to figure out with our therapists, or guess on our own. And if the subject comes up, we might even have to agree to disagree.
And of course, there is what "they" (the DSM) calls "co-morbidity." That's a fancy word for having one condition, but also having another one or more combined or sharing characteristics with another/other personality or mood disorder.
Here are a few links that might help you figure which is which or what might be. But again, it's important that you hear confirmation from a professional before you decide to label a person with something they might not have. Having the wrong information about something like this could cause to you make life-changing decisions in error.
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Movies Featuring Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Narcissism
by Gail Meyers on Hubpages
http://gailmeyers.hubpages.com/hub/Movies-Featuring-NPD
20 Identifiable Traits of a Female Narcissist
by Susan Walsh on June 28, 2010 · 199 comments
http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/06/28/relationshipstrategies/
What Is Narcissism and Am I in a Relationship with a Narcissist?
http://suite101.com/article/narcissistic-personalitiy---how-to-avoid-a-relationship-with-one-a348452
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
By Psych Central Staff
http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx36.htm
Enough about you: My explanation of narcissism
Merrill Markoe
http://merrillmarkoe.com/enough-about-you-my-explanation-of-narcissism
How to Recognize it and Move Forward
by Barbara from Sanctuary for the Abused
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.ca/2006/05/hoover-how-to-recognize-it-and-move.html
Top 100 Traits of Personality-Disordered Individuals
Out of the Fog
http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Top100Traits.html
Red Flag: Disrespect for Boundaries by Anna Valerious
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.ca/2009/03/red-flag-disrespect-for-boundaries.html
The Narcissistic Mother
A Lightbulb Moment article by parishmiller
http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html
The Narcissistic Mother
Psych Forums
http://www.psychforums.com/narcissistic-personality/topic48207.html
Do You Have a Narcissistic Mother?
By gloriarubio278
http://gloriarubio278.hubpages.com/hub/Do-You-Have-a-Narcissistic-Mother
Narcissistic Mothers
by Cyndi Lopez from Psych Central
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2010/narcissistic-mothers/
Things Narcissistic Mothers and Narcissist's Say
Joanne O'Sullivan
http://ezinearticles.com/?Things-Narcissistic-Mothers-and-Narcissists-Say&id=6807466
Ongoing Guide to Having a Narcissistic Parent
from Therapy is Dandy.
http://therapyisdandy.com/2012/03/27/the-therapy-is-dandy-guidebook-to-having-a-narcissist-for-a-parent/
Deep Insights into Narcissistic Parents:
Going Behind Their Controlling Behavior and Mapping Out Its Long Term Consequences
http://www.positive-parenting-ally.com/narcissistic-parents.html
The Aging Narcissistic Parent and the Role of the "Chosen Child"
Posted by evolution13
The "chosen" child is in a precarious situation: on one hand, they do not get the same level of wrath from the parent as the others do; however, the chosen child is also the brainwashed child that is the parent's servant.
http://childrenofnarcissists.blogspot.ca/2011/02/aging-narcissistic-parent-and-role-of.html
What are Narcissistic Wounds?
http://franhorvath.hubpages.com/hub/
Narcissism Understood: Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde - The personality disorder that destroys relationships, families and lives by Melanie Tonia Evans
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/narcissism-understood.htm
http://n-continuum.blogspot.ca/2010/01/narcissists-push-boundaries.html
Narcissists Push Boundaries
Sandra Brown
http://n-continuum.blogspot.ie/2010/01/narcissists-push-boundaries.html
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Diagnosis Dictionary (documented by Terri Hunt Krokovich)
Psychology Today
http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder
Difference between NPD and Psychopath
Psych Forums
http://www.psychforums.com/narcissistic-personality/topic61136.html
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Internet Mental Health
http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-pe07.html
Narcissistic Personality Types
Psych Cents: What is a narcissist?
http://guiltedgirls.tripod.com/id22.html
7 Signs of Narcissistic Control-Freaks
By Ben
http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2009/02/05/7-signs-of-narcissistic-control-freaks/
Things Narcissists Do
From: Light, Life, Love & Laughter after NPD Abuse
http://lifelightloveafternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/darkness/things-narcissists-do/
How a Narcissist Will Probably React To Being Questioned About Their Behavior: Cutting Ties with a Narcissist
http://joyfulalivewoman.wordpress.com/2011/01/03/
Narcissism Support Resources: Projection
http://narcissism-support.blogspot.ca/2009/01/projection-made-easy.html
The Swan and the Scorpion: Projection
http://www.narcissismfree.com/swan-and-scorpion.php
How a nNarcissist Uses Introjection and Projection
by David Elder
http://www.helium.com/items/
Stop Walking on Eggshells:
When someone in your life has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder.
by Randi Kreger
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201201/
The Narcissist's Hoover Maneuver
Lisa E. Scott
http://www.lisaescott.com/2011/04/07/narcissists-hoover-maneuver
Trying to break free from someone who won’t let you go?
Light's Blog
http://lightshouse.org/lights-blog/when-toxic-people-start-hoovering#axzz1tf9CKub6
Narcissist Grandparents
Anna Valerious
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.ca/2007/09/narcissist-grandparents.html
The Narcissist as Grandparent by Nina
http://narcissisticparents.blogspot.ca/2008/03/narcissist-as-grandparent.html
Dealing with Narcissistic Grandparents: Forum
http://www.justanswer.com/mental-health/48u78-dealing-narcissistic-grandparents-total.html
Narcissistic Personality Disorder: How to Recognize Narcissism and Protect Your Mental Health
By Merely Me
http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/c/84292/143770/narcissistic?ic=6039
Is He or She Really A Narcissist? Laying Boundaries and Accountability
Melanie Tonia Evans
http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/is-he-or-she-really-a-narcissist-laying-boundaries-and-accountability/
The Games Narcissist Play Posted by Laura (an admin on another forum)
http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=8838.0
Understanding Narcissism
Paul M. Floyd, M.Div., J.D. and Bruce Narramore, Ph.D.
http://lifecounsel.org/pub_floyd_understandingNarcissism.html
Communnicating with Narcissistic Personalities
Steve Becker, LCSW, CHT
http://powercommunicating.com/articles/Suggestions%20for%20Communicating%20with%20Narcissists.pdf
Narcissistic Traits and Relationship Dynamics
Developed by: Kent A Tompkins, LPC References from: The Narcissistic-borderline Couple by Joan Lachkar, Ph.D.
http://keres.meccahosting.com/~a00037ad/library/narcissism.pdf
HAVEN'T WE MET BEFORE? The Borderline/Narcissist Couple
By Shari Schreiber, M.A
http://gettinbetter.com/dance.html
What is the difference between narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder?
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/
The Emotionally Abusive Personality: Is She a Borderline or a Narcissist?
Dr. Tara J. Palmatier
http://www.edmecka.com/blogs/the-emotionally-abusive-personality-is-she-a-borderline-or-a-narcissist.html
The Borderline and Narcissist Love Relationship
by Dr. Wendy
http://www.drwendyschwartz.com/Los-Angeles-Marriage-and-Family-Counseling/relationships-2/
Marriage from Hell-Narcissistic Man Marries Borderline Personality Woman
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
http://www.wellsphere.com/mental-health-article/
Borderline and Narcissistic Rage Posted by Olivia Carter
http://myemotionalvampire.blogspot.ca/2012/06/borderline-and-narcissistic-rage.html
Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life
Several essays from Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
-- Narcissistic Husband--Eating You Alive Psychologically
-- Covert Narcissists--Holier Than Thou Kind
-- Children of Narcissistic Mothers--Heal and Evolve
-- Claim Your Own Life--Goodbye to Your Narcissistic Mother
-- Narcissist is Loyal to No One but Himself
-- Narcissistic Smackdown---Destructive Narcissistic Rage
http://blog.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/
and more...
I'm Not Done Yet
House of Mirrors: A blog by Lisette
A look at the warped world of narcissism through literature, film, art, pop culture and personal experience
http://house-of-mirrors.blogspot.ca/
If you worry you are like your parents.....
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/adult-children-of-narcissistic-parents/discussions/messages/11596786
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Other Personality Disorders:
Histrionic Personality Disorder
By Psych Central Staff
http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx17.htm
What Is Conversion Hysteria?
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-conversion-hysteria.htm
Personality disorders
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/personality-disorders/DS00562/DSECTION=symptoms
Types of personality disorders
http://www.hamlet-trust.org.uk/articles/types-personality-disorders.html
Q & A: Personality Disorders
http://susanlitton.com/personality-disorders/personality-disorders-answers.php
Problematic Emotional Response Patterns http://www.communitycounselingservices.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=517&cn=8
Think You’re All That? You Might Be Putting Your Health at Risk By Alice Park
http://healthland.time.com/2012/01/24/think-youre-all-that-you-might-be-putting-your-health-at-risk/
Personality disorders as disorganisation of attachment and affect regulation
Jaydip Sarkar and Gwen Adshead
http://apt.rcpsych.org/content/12/4/297.full
Melissa Arthur LCSW MA Histrionic Personality Disorder
http://www.health.am/psy/histrionic-personality-disorder/
Family Behavior Therapy for Antisocial and Narcissistic Personality Disorders in China: An Open Study Yongli Wang1, Meifang Zhu1, Jingyi Huang1, Wei He1, Shaohua Yu1, Rongrong Yu1, Shenfeng Tang2, Mowei Shen3, Wei Wang1,2,3
http://www.gjpsy.uni-goettingen.de/gjp-article-wang.pdf
Narcissism and the Meltdown
High Conflict Institute; co-founded by Bill Eddy, LCSW,
http://billeddyhighconflictinstitute.blogspot.ca/2008/10/narcissism-and-meltdown.html
http://n-continuum.blogspot.ca/2008/10/narcissism-and-meltdown.html
What is a Psychotic Break?
Powered by CTR
http://psychoticbreak.org/
Why do people rock back and forth?
In: ADD-ADHD, Human Behavior, Tourette's Syndrome
Various people chime in for several different reasons as to why they rock back and forth...
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Discuss:Why_do_people_rock_back_and_forth
Body-rocking, head-rolling and head-banging
If you’ve seen your young child body-rocking, head-rolling or head-banging, you know how disturbing this can be. But take heart – these behaviours rarely cause harm, and most children stop by 18 months.
By Raising Children Network
http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/body-rocking,_head-rolling_and_head-banging.html
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Gaslighting:
Maneuvers of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder Mother: Gaslighting DONM, Forgive & Forget and Triangulation
authored and contributed by Gail Meyers
http://gailmeyers.hubpages.com/hub/When-Your-Mother-Has-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder
Gaslighting
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/gaslighting.html
What is Gaslighting?
A Form of Emotional Abuse Not Easily Recognized: by Lorne Cansler
http://lorne-cansler.suite101.com/gaslighting-a194877
The Sad Art of Gaslighting
Laurie Kendrick
http://lauriekendrick.wordpress.com/2008/07/03/the-sad-art-of-gaslighting/
Are you the Victim of Gaslighting?
by Sarah Treleaven
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/narcissist-victims-syndrome-survivors/discussions/messages/9148495
Gaslighting as a Manipulation Tactic: What It Is, Who Does It, And Why
Psychology, Philosophy & Real Life: Dr George Simon, PhD
http://counsellingresource.com/features/2011/11/08/gaslighting/
(Contributed by: Brenda Rathier)
Lifton's Brainwashing Processes
See also: Robert Jay Lifton, Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism, W.W. Norton & Co., Inc., 1963.
by Changing Minds.org
http://changingminds.org/techniques/conversion/lifton_brainwashing.htm
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Is My Child Behaving Like a Narcissist? Probably Not...
http://faculty.plts.edu/gpence/html/kohlberg.htm - contributed by Kimberley Anne Thornton
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/etc/synopsis.html
http://www.angriesout.com/teach9.htm
http://www.circleofmoms.com/moms-with-school-age-kids/
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110120054221AA9mx6H
http://www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doctor-1/
http://www.healthboards.com/boards/parenting-issues/770461-9-year-old-son-bipolar-narcissist.html
http://www.ehow.com/topic_7020_basics-emotions.html
http://www.supernanny.com/Advice/-/Your-child/-/Development-and-learning/Teaching-kids-to-share.aspx
http://community.babycentre.co.uk/post/a14841515/so_self_centered_normal_4_year_old_or_typical_aspie
http://en.allexperts.com/q/Parenting-Teens-863/2009/1/uncooperative-self-centered-daughter.htm
http://www.disciplinehelp.com/parent/detail.cfm?behaviorID=52&title=The%20Immature&step=Behavior
http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278279
But Just In Case:
http://www.sharecare.com/question/strategies-should-use-child-narcissist
http://www.cornerstonesforparents.com/help-self-centered-child
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sleeping-angels/201012/whose-fault-is-it-kids-are-so-self-centered
http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/25724/~/
http://www.circleofmoms.com/kids-aged-over-10yrs-old./
http://www.empoweringparents.com/
http://www.circleofmoms.com/moms-of-teenagers/
http://www.voicelessness.com/essay.html Voicelessness and Emotional Survival
The Essays by Richard A. Grossman, Ph.D.
Ladies come to this group and ask us if we can help them identify if their mother is indeed a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a Psychopath, or just someone with a Narcissistic Traits.
I've always made it our policy in this group to encourage members to get a confirmation from a therapist (or physician or other professional) that their mom (or other relative or friend) is definitely or is very likely what they think she is. There are other conditions, mood disorders and even medical conditions that can make a person seem like they have NPD. Some of our mothers may have BiPolar Mood Disorder, Asperger's, Autism spectrum, Borderline Personality Disorder, some kind of physical or medical issue or just a massive case of the Fleas (as we call people who have learned some behaviours because they were raised with Narcissistic Parents)...
These next few paragraphs I write are not from any specific sources, and are mostly from my memories, and could be flawed. I have read thousands of links and done a few years in therapy. The following is an interpretation of my way of understanding the difference between just displaying N Traits, the actual Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and the difference between those two things and Psychopathy.
Chances are if your mother is truly someone with NPD she will refuse to go to a therapist (unless she thinks it is to prove that her child is the one with the problem). However just because she won't get herself diagnosed, it doesn't mean you can't get a professional opinion from a therapist. I have done so myself. After several months of seeing my therapist and me describing the things my mother did during my childhood, I asked him what he thought was wrong with her. He said it sounded to him like she had Narcissistic Personality Disorder (although of course, he couldn't confirm this because she refused to come with me to see him! lol). But all the criteria fit. He initially said that he would be willing to meet with my mother. However, at one point later in our sessions, when I was telling him yet another thing she did in the past, he said that he would actually prefer it if she didn't come to any sessions! lol
Here is an email my therapist sent me regarding this: http://shadowsandreflectionsthedarkside.blogspot.ca/2008/09/wisdom-from-sensei.html
And here is an email another therapist sent me: http://shadowsandreflectionsthedarkside.blogspot.ca/2011/04/response-to-thread-from-pysch-forum.html
My therapist explained to me a little about the difference between NPD and a psychopath. A psychopath probably would actually offer to go to the therapist before you asked. Not for your benefit, but more for the reason that she/he might find new and interesting ways to manipulate a new plaything. Psychopaths prefer to play with humans and study them, with cold and detached interest, much like a human would study an ant or a frog in biology class. And by "play" I mean find ways to inflict pain, experiment with other people's emotions, etc. Psychopaths are very sneaky and masters of manipulation and deception, and can keep calm and keep their thoughts organized while they're bald-faced lying. They are unflappable. Because they've spent all their lives learning and observing when and how to "act" in certain situations, it might even be difficult for a therapist to catch right away. People with NPD do have some psychopathic traits sometimes, but a lot of the time they are so much more prone to tantrums, hysterics, and are typically more bound to be reactive, in a spontaneous and most unflattering, unfiltered manner, to the very first primitive behaviour that surfaces. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder act more like 3-year-olds in an adult's body. Psychopaths are MUCH more calculating and, from what I've heard from various sources, you get that shiver down your spine or the prickles in the back of your neck when you realize they are staring at you... They have this "deadness" to their eyes.
Now there are also people who are high on the spectrum of Narcissism: they are still high-functioning. They may occasionally slip up in social circles, but they aren't hell bent on self-sabotage like someone with a personality disorder. Some of these types even admit that they might be a pain to other people, but they will also admit that they don't care. There is HEALTHY Narcissism, but depending on how much of the N behaviour is displayed at any given time, these people with Narcissistic traits may just be irritating, but they do well in their jobs, and they have some good leadership skills. There are SOME good qualities with people who have a few Narcissistic Traits. But different people with different life skills and different walks of life may find less tolerant, while others are more on the "I can barely stand her/him, but at least he gets the job done."
People with the Narcissistic Personality disorder, I feel (although this is up in the air in various psychological/therapist circles), are more likely to act on emotion, less stable, more easily hurt, much more sporadic or impulsive and seem to be, as I mentioned, emotional infants. I personally don't know if these disordered people are unaware of what motivates them. I could definitely see if someone's mother was a psychopath that they would know what they were doing. I am very certain that my own mother has done things and known they were wrong, but she also rationalizes, changes her version of the truth/history, and routinely gaslights and claims she can't remember saying or doing something. My own therapist thought she was mostly disordered. He did say that some people with NPD can display some of the traits of a psychopath. So I guess this is one thing us ladies will have to figure out with our therapists, or guess on our own. And if the subject comes up, we might even have to agree to disagree.
And of course, there is what "they" (the DSM) calls "co-morbidity." That's a fancy word for having one condition, but also having another one or more combined or sharing characteristics with another/other personality or mood disorder.
Here are a few links that might help you figure which is which or what might be. But again, it's important that you hear confirmation from a professional before you decide to label a person with something they might not have. Having the wrong information about something like this could cause to you make life-changing decisions in error.
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Movies Featuring Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Narcissism
by Gail Meyers on Hubpages
http://gailmeyers.hubpages.com/hub/Movies-Featuring-NPD
20 Identifiable Traits of a Female Narcissist
by Susan Walsh on June 28, 2010 · 199 comments
http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/06/28/relationshipstrategies/
What Is Narcissism and Am I in a Relationship with a Narcissist?
http://suite101.com/article/narcissistic-personalitiy---how-to-avoid-a-relationship-with-one-a348452
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
By Psych Central Staff
http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx36.htm
Enough about you: My explanation of narcissism
Merrill Markoe
http://merrillmarkoe.com/enough-about-you-my-explanation-of-narcissism
How to Recognize it and Move Forward
by Barbara from Sanctuary for the Abused
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.ca/2006/05/hoover-how-to-recognize-it-and-move.html
Top 100 Traits of Personality-Disordered Individuals
Out of the Fog
http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Top100Traits.html
Red Flag: Disrespect for Boundaries by Anna Valerious
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.ca/2009/03/red-flag-disrespect-for-boundaries.html
The Narcissistic Mother
A Lightbulb Moment article by parishmiller
http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html
The Narcissistic Mother
Psych Forums
http://www.psychforums.com/narcissistic-personality/topic48207.html
Do You Have a Narcissistic Mother?
By gloriarubio278
http://gloriarubio278.hubpages.com/hub/Do-You-Have-a-Narcissistic-Mother
Narcissistic Mothers
by Cyndi Lopez from Psych Central
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2010/narcissistic-mothers/
Things Narcissistic Mothers and Narcissist's Say
Joanne O'Sullivan
http://ezinearticles.com/?Things-Narcissistic-Mothers-and-Narcissists-Say&id=6807466
Ongoing Guide to Having a Narcissistic Parent
from Therapy is Dandy.
http://therapyisdandy.com/2012/03/27/the-therapy-is-dandy-guidebook-to-having-a-narcissist-for-a-parent/
Deep Insights into Narcissistic Parents:
Going Behind Their Controlling Behavior and Mapping Out Its Long Term Consequences
http://www.positive-parenting-ally.com/narcissistic-parents.html
The Aging Narcissistic Parent and the Role of the "Chosen Child"
Posted by evolution13
The "chosen" child is in a precarious situation: on one hand, they do not get the same level of wrath from the parent as the others do; however, the chosen child is also the brainwashed child that is the parent's servant.
http://childrenofnarcissists.blogspot.ca/2011/02/aging-narcissistic-parent-and-role-of.html
What are Narcissistic Wounds?
http://franhorvath.hubpages.com/hub/
Narcissism Understood: Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde - The personality disorder that destroys relationships, families and lives by Melanie Tonia Evans
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/narcissism-understood.htm
http://n-continuum.blogspot.ca/2010/01/narcissists-push-boundaries.html
Narcissists Push Boundaries
Sandra Brown
http://n-continuum.blogspot.ie/2010/01/narcissists-push-boundaries.html
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Diagnosis Dictionary (documented by Terri Hunt Krokovich)
Psychology Today
http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder
Difference between NPD and Psychopath
Psych Forums
http://www.psychforums.com/narcissistic-personality/topic61136.html
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Internet Mental Health
http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-pe07.html
Narcissistic Personality Types
Psych Cents: What is a narcissist?
http://guiltedgirls.tripod.com/id22.html
7 Signs of Narcissistic Control-Freaks
By Ben
http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/2009/02/05/7-signs-of-narcissistic-control-freaks/
Things Narcissists Do
From: Light, Life, Love & Laughter after NPD Abuse
http://lifelightloveafternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/darkness/things-narcissists-do/
How a Narcissist Will Probably React To Being Questioned About Their Behavior: Cutting Ties with a Narcissist
http://joyfulalivewoman.wordpress.com/2011/01/03/
Narcissism Support Resources: Projection
http://narcissism-support.blogspot.ca/2009/01/projection-made-easy.html
The Swan and the Scorpion: Projection
http://www.narcissismfree.com/swan-and-scorpion.php
How a nNarcissist Uses Introjection and Projection
by David Elder
http://www.helium.com/items/
Stop Walking on Eggshells:
When someone in your life has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder.
by Randi Kreger
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201201/
The Narcissist's Hoover Maneuver
Lisa E. Scott
http://www.lisaescott.com/2011/04/07/narcissists-hoover-maneuver
Trying to break free from someone who won’t let you go?
Light's Blog
http://lightshouse.org/lights-blog/when-toxic-people-start-hoovering#axzz1tf9CKub6
Narcissist Grandparents
Anna Valerious
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.ca/2007/09/narcissist-grandparents.html
The Narcissist as Grandparent by Nina
http://narcissisticparents.blogspot.ca/2008/03/narcissist-as-grandparent.html
Dealing with Narcissistic Grandparents: Forum
http://www.justanswer.com/mental-health/48u78-dealing-narcissistic-grandparents-total.html
Narcissistic Personality Disorder: How to Recognize Narcissism and Protect Your Mental Health
By Merely Me
http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/c/84292/143770/narcissistic?ic=6039
Is He or She Really A Narcissist? Laying Boundaries and Accountability
Melanie Tonia Evans
http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/is-he-or-she-really-a-narcissist-laying-boundaries-and-accountability/
The Games Narcissist Play Posted by Laura (an admin on another forum)
http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=8838.0
Understanding Narcissism
Paul M. Floyd, M.Div., J.D. and Bruce Narramore, Ph.D.
http://lifecounsel.org/pub_floyd_understandingNarcissism.html
Communnicating with Narcissistic Personalities
Steve Becker, LCSW, CHT
http://powercommunicating.com/articles/Suggestions%20for%20Communicating%20with%20Narcissists.pdf
Narcissistic Traits and Relationship Dynamics
Developed by: Kent A Tompkins, LPC References from: The Narcissistic-borderline Couple by Joan Lachkar, Ph.D.
http://keres.meccahosting.com/~a00037ad/library/narcissism.pdf
HAVEN'T WE MET BEFORE? The Borderline/Narcissist Couple
By Shari Schreiber, M.A
http://gettinbetter.com/dance.html
What is the difference between narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder?
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/
The Emotionally Abusive Personality: Is She a Borderline or a Narcissist?
Dr. Tara J. Palmatier
http://www.edmecka.com/blogs/the-emotionally-abusive-personality-is-she-a-borderline-or-a-narcissist.html
The Borderline and Narcissist Love Relationship
by Dr. Wendy
http://www.drwendyschwartz.com/Los-Angeles-Marriage-and-Family-Counseling/relationships-2/
Marriage from Hell-Narcissistic Man Marries Borderline Personality Woman
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
http://www.wellsphere.com/mental-health-article/
Borderline and Narcissistic Rage Posted by Olivia Carter
http://myemotionalvampire.blogspot.ca/2012/06/borderline-and-narcissistic-rage.html
Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life
Several essays from Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
-- Narcissistic Husband--Eating You Alive Psychologically
-- Covert Narcissists--Holier Than Thou Kind
-- Children of Narcissistic Mothers--Heal and Evolve
-- Claim Your Own Life--Goodbye to Your Narcissistic Mother
-- Narcissist is Loyal to No One but Himself
-- Narcissistic Smackdown---Destructive Narcissistic Rage
http://blog.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/
and more...
I'm Not Done Yet
House of Mirrors: A blog by Lisette
A look at the warped world of narcissism through literature, film, art, pop culture and personal experience
http://house-of-mirrors.blogspot.ca/
If you worry you are like your parents.....
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/adult-children-of-narcissistic-parents/discussions/messages/11596786
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Other Personality Disorders:
Histrionic Personality Disorder
By Psych Central Staff
http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx17.htm
What Is Conversion Hysteria?
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-conversion-hysteria.htm
Personality disorders
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/personality-disorders/DS00562/DSECTION=symptoms
Types of personality disorders
http://www.hamlet-trust.org.uk/articles/types-personality-disorders.html
Q & A: Personality Disorders
http://susanlitton.com/personality-disorders/personality-disorders-answers.php
Problematic Emotional Response Patterns http://www.communitycounselingservices.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=517&cn=8
Think You’re All That? You Might Be Putting Your Health at Risk By Alice Park
http://healthland.time.com/2012/01/24/think-youre-all-that-you-might-be-putting-your-health-at-risk/
Personality disorders as disorganisation of attachment and affect regulation
Jaydip Sarkar and Gwen Adshead
http://apt.rcpsych.org/content/12/4/297.full
Melissa Arthur LCSW MA Histrionic Personality Disorder
http://www.health.am/psy/histrionic-personality-disorder/
Family Behavior Therapy for Antisocial and Narcissistic Personality Disorders in China: An Open Study Yongli Wang1, Meifang Zhu1, Jingyi Huang1, Wei He1, Shaohua Yu1, Rongrong Yu1, Shenfeng Tang2, Mowei Shen3, Wei Wang1,2,3
http://www.gjpsy.uni-goettingen.de/gjp-article-wang.pdf
Narcissism and the Meltdown
High Conflict Institute; co-founded by Bill Eddy, LCSW,
http://billeddyhighconflictinstitute.blogspot.ca/2008/10/narcissism-and-meltdown.html
http://n-continuum.blogspot.ca/2008/10/narcissism-and-meltdown.html
What is a Psychotic Break?
Powered by CTR
http://psychoticbreak.org/
Why do people rock back and forth?
In: ADD-ADHD, Human Behavior, Tourette's Syndrome
Various people chime in for several different reasons as to why they rock back and forth...
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Discuss:Why_do_people_rock_back_and_forth
Body-rocking, head-rolling and head-banging
If you’ve seen your young child body-rocking, head-rolling or head-banging, you know how disturbing this can be. But take heart – these behaviours rarely cause harm, and most children stop by 18 months.
By Raising Children Network
http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/body-rocking,_head-rolling_and_head-banging.html
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Gaslighting:
Maneuvers of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder Mother: Gaslighting DONM, Forgive & Forget and Triangulation
authored and contributed by Gail Meyers
http://gailmeyers.hubpages.com/hub/When-Your-Mother-Has-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder
Gaslighting
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/gaslighting.html
What is Gaslighting?
A Form of Emotional Abuse Not Easily Recognized: by Lorne Cansler
http://lorne-cansler.suite101.com/gaslighting-a194877
The Sad Art of Gaslighting
Laurie Kendrick
http://lauriekendrick.wordpress.com/2008/07/03/the-sad-art-of-gaslighting/
Are you the Victim of Gaslighting?
by Sarah Treleaven
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/narcissist-victims-syndrome-survivors/discussions/messages/9148495
Gaslighting as a Manipulation Tactic: What It Is, Who Does It, And Why
Psychology, Philosophy & Real Life: Dr George Simon, PhD
http://counsellingresource.com/features/2011/11/08/gaslighting/
(Contributed by: Brenda Rathier)
Lifton's Brainwashing Processes
See also: Robert Jay Lifton, Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism, W.W. Norton & Co., Inc., 1963.
by Changing Minds.org
http://changingminds.org/techniques/conversion/lifton_brainwashing.htm
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Is My Child Behaving Like a Narcissist? Probably Not...
http://faculty.plts.edu/gpence/html/kohlberg.htm - contributed by Kimberley Anne Thornton
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/etc/synopsis.html
http://www.angriesout.com/teach9.htm
http://www.circleofmoms.com/moms-with-school-age-kids/
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110120054221AA9mx6H
http://www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doctor-1/
http://www.healthboards.com/boards/parenting-issues/770461-9-year-old-son-bipolar-narcissist.html
http://www.ehow.com/topic_7020_basics-emotions.html
http://www.supernanny.com/Advice/-/Your-child/-/Development-and-learning/Teaching-kids-to-share.aspx
http://community.babycentre.co.uk/post/a14841515/so_self_centered_normal_4_year_old_or_typical_aspie
http://en.allexperts.com/q/Parenting-Teens-863/2009/1/uncooperative-self-centered-daughter.htm
http://www.disciplinehelp.com/parent/detail.cfm?behaviorID=52&title=The%20Immature&step=Behavior
http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278279
But Just In Case:
http://www.sharecare.com/question/strategies-should-use-child-narcissist
http://www.cornerstonesforparents.com/help-self-centered-child
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sleeping-angels/201012/whose-fault-is-it-kids-are-so-self-centered
http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/25724/~/
http://www.circleofmoms.com/kids-aged-over-10yrs-old./
http://www.empoweringparents.com/
http://www.circleofmoms.com/moms-of-teenagers/
http://www.voicelessness.com/essay.html Voicelessness and Emotional Survival
The Essays by Richard A. Grossman, Ph.D.
Monday, September 24, 2012
HOW TO START FRESH: CHANGING YOUR POINT OF VIEW
I don't have any quick-fix solutions to getting to where we have to
go. Once we start our journey to healing, it's sometimes difficult and
scary. But hopefully when you are taking the walk, and passing all your
obstacles by more easily with the tools you discover, you will notice
that the adventure becomes easier. You get used to the forks in the
road, and the twists and turns actually seem more like an exciting
challenge intead of a daunting and unpleasant task.
Why?
Because you are moving forward. You might start with little steps, and use cautious footing in some areas, but you gain experience and these moments lesson as you gain confidence and skill.
In some legs of the journey, you might notice that the terrain is quite gentle and smooth. Maybe you can use these to rest and enjoy yourself.
And on your gentle ascent, you can see you've left your old self and old ideas further and further behind. Upon these reflections, you can marvel and see how far you've come. You can see the times where you left some people behind because they didn't want to be rescued, or they were content to be mired down in their own problems. You realized you could not save these people for they refused to budge. You had to move on. And you did.
You start to notice that you have someone with you on your journey. It's your awareness of all those different parts of yourself that make you whole. You might not have noticed them before. You might not feel so lonely when you realize you've had someone with you all this time!
In some cases, people and ideas you meet along your path will stay with you for the rest of your life. Others will just be at resting points at different parts of the path. They weren't meant to accompany you on the entire way, but they will give you directions, tell you what tools you can use, or teach you something valuable that will help you on your journey.
Here are some tricks and tips to help you along! ♥
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You Are What You Think - What Are Cognitive Distortions?
http://depression.about.com/cs/psychotherapy/a/cognitive.htm
By Nancy Schimelpfening, About.com Guide
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Which came first, the depression symptoms or the pessimistic thoughts? I can't answer the first question, but the answer to the latter may surprise you.
In many cases, depression actually is the result of habitual negative thoughts. When bad things happen, we begin chastising ourselves with thoughts such as: I'm no good, I'm a total failure or Nothing ever goes my way. Our feelings follow what we are thinking, and negative thoughts like these can send us spiraling down into depression.
This concept is the guiding principle behind cognitive therapy, a type of psychotherapy developed by psychiatrist Aaron T. Beck in the 1960s. If we think something often enough, we begin to believe it's true and our feelings match what we are thinking about ourselves. To conquer depression, we must stop those automatic negative thoughts and replace them with more positive, truthful ones. By nipping these thoughts in the bud, we can halt depression before it even starts.
Cognitive therapy is directed at 10 common cognitive distortions, or faulty thought patterns, that send us into depression. See if you recognize yourself in any of these.
JOURNAL SUGGESTION: If you recognize any of these behaviors in yourself, then you're halfway there. Here's a homework assignment for you: Over the next few weeks, monitor the self-defeating ways in which you respond to situations. Practice recognizing your automatic responses. Now, we will take each of the above cognitive distortions and discuss some powerful coping strategies that will help you dispel the blues before they even start.
(PS: there are more pages on this at the bottom of the website)
Likewise....
10 Steps for Transforming Negative Thoughts into Positive Beliefs
http://www.thebridgemaker.com/10-steps-for-transforming-negative-thoughts-into-positive-beliefs/
By Alex Blackwell
--------------
Some good tips in here that are different from above...
10 Tips to Overcome Negative Thoughts: Positive Thinking Made Easy
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-to-overcome-negative-thoughts-positive-thinking-made-easy/
by Michelle Uy, yoga teacher...
1. Meditate or do yoga.
2. Smile.
3. Surround yourself with positive people.
4. Change the tone of your thoughts from negative to positive.
5. Don’t play the victim. You create your life—take responsibility.
6. Help someone.
7. Remember that no one is perfect and let yourself move forward.
8. Sing.
9. List five things that you are grateful for right now.
10. Read positive quotes.
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.
--------------
9 Reasons Why Failure Is Not Fatal
http://99u.com/articles/7057/9-Reasons-Why-Failure-Is-Not-Fata
by Carmel Hagen
Failure. Fear of it is universal, experiencing it is inevitable, and running from it is dependably routine. As a culture we can’t seem to shake the negativity of the term - even though most success stories have a shared foundation in some kind of accidental realization, wrong-footed first attempt, or outright error. Here, we pool our favorite videos and articles on the subject as a gentle reminder that our only real failure is to live life without it.
1. Kathryn Schulz: On Being Wrong
This brief TED talk by “Wrongologist” and author Kathryn Schulz cleverly covers the inescapable error of the human mind - and the beautiful results of its imperfection.
2. Sir James Dyson: Failure Doesn’t Suck
The US’s bestselling vacuum isn’t just a perfect example of rethinking the norm, it’s the happy result of failure – 5,126 of them. The relentless inventor behind the company comes clean in this interview, attributing his comfy relationship with getting it wrong to finally getting it right.
3. Paulo Coelho: On the Fear of Failure
Brazilian lyricist and novelist Paulo Coehlo shares his personal views on confidence in the face of critical response. This comes from a series of awesome videos on failure from Berghs' Exhibition 2011. We highly recommend the watching the lot of them.
4. Twyla Tharp: Real Change Involves Failure
One of America's most celebrated living choreographers, Twyla Tharp is also a keen observer of the creative habit - in fact, she wrote the book on it. From Tharp's point of view, failure is a natural part of the path to innovation. Here's an excerpt from an excellent interview with the Harvard Business Review (see link)....
5. Seth Godin: How the Lizard Brain Holds Us Back
In this classic talk from the inaugural 99% Conference, author and entrepreneur Seth Godin talks about the lizard brain, the root of the primal doubts that drive us to sabotage creative projects before we ever show them to the world.
6. Jamer Hunt: Six Types of Failure, Only a Few Help You Innovate
Playing devil's advocate to an upbeat view of failure, educator Jamer Hunt takes a look at the shades of gray, separating the truly beneficial mistakes from those failures that might indicate a darker, deeper flaw – for instance, the BP oil spill.
7. Gillian Welch: On Rolling with the Punches
Sometimes the things we call failures are really just lessons in letting go. In this video, acclaimed musicians Gillian Welch and David Rawlings collaborate with an artist and a specialty printing group to make an album cover, learning to conspire with their changing circumstances along the way.
8. Tim Harford: Trial, Error and the God Complex
Economics writer Tim Harford believes that all great leaps forward emerge through trial and error. In this TED talk, he articulates the challenges of admitting our own fallibility. Rather than striving to be an all-knowing God, he argues that we should strive to make good mistakes.
9. J.K. Rowling: The Fringe Benefits of Failure
In this now-legendary commencement address, the inimitable J.K. Rowling discusses how failure, while certainly not fun, helps us strip away the inessential so that we can focus our energies on what really matters.
Carmel Hagen is a brand strategist, writer, and speaker who's helping creative thinkers launch socially aware companies at COMMON. For thoughts on creativity, social entrepreneurialism and nerd tech, follow Carmel on Twitter..
--------------
slotralogy and positive thinking
http://www.youmeworks.com/slotralogy-and-positive-thinking.html
Author: Adam Khan
It's interesting to hear various perspectives on how one can continue to move on, even when feeling negative or down, and not having to be fake or with a grin plastered on your face, either. Going forward can be a struggle, true, but there are alternatives to despair that you can try...
And along those lines:
slotralogy 101
http://www.youmeworks.com/slotralogy-101.html
"YOU THINK the way you think because that’s the way you learned to think. You look at things the way you’re used to — the way you’ve learned over your lifetime to look at things. It seems to you that any sensible person would see things the way you see them. You interpret events in a way that seems natural to you."
Read on as the author describes some methods to "To practice thinking something until it becomes natural."
--------------
LATE BLOOMERS: It's not as weird as you think...
Psychology Today: Here to Help - Confessions of a Late Bloomer
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200810/confessions-late-bloomer
We have fixed notions about the time course of success and the nature of talent that encourage us to write off the very people who are most likely to (eventually) change the world.
By Scott Barry Kaufman, published on November 01, 2008 - last reviewed on March 23, 2011
(don't forget to read on - there is a link at the bottom of the page to continue reading)....
Why Are Some People Late Bloomers?
http://www.laterbloomer.com/late-bloomers-1
by Debra Eve
I’m tracking people who don’t realize their creative passion until later, or who discover it early but can’t pursue it until adulthood. I call them Later Bloomers.
Why are some people Later Bloomers?
I’ve identified four broad patterns. In this installment, I explore how the “rocky soil” of our youth could contribute to blooming later through:
In the second installment, I look at two intriguing traits that many Later Bloomers share:
(again, follow along to Part 2 and other links on the bottom of this article)
and also to think about...
THE NEW YORKER: Late Bloomers
Why do we equate genius with precocity?
by Malcolm Gladwell October 20, 2008
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/10/20/081020fa_fact_gladwell
..."This is the vexing lesson of Fountain’s long attempt to get noticed by the literary world. On the road to great achievement, the late bloomer will resemble a failure: while the late bloomer is revising and despairing and changing course and slashing canvases to ribbons after months or years, what he or she produces will look like the kind of thing produced by the artist who will never bloom at all. Prodigies are easy. They advertise their genius from the get-go. Late bloomers are hard. They require forbearance and blind faith. (Let’s just be thankful that Cézanne didn’t have a guidance counselor in high school who looked at his primitive sketches and told him to try accounting.) Whenever we find a late bloomer, we can’t but wonder how many others like him or her we have thwarted because we prematurely judged their talents. But we also have to accept that there’s nothing we can do about it. How can we ever know which of the failures will end up blooming?"
(again remember to continue at the bottom right of each page to continue on)
--------------
SuccessConsciousness.com
The Power of Negative Thinking
By Remez Sasson
http://www.successconsciousness.com/index_00002d.htm
Awaken the wisdom and power within you
A few Tips:
- Every time you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, reject the thought, and think a positive one instead.
- If you catch yourself visualizing failure, visualize success instead.
- If you hear yourself uttering negative words, change to positive words instead.
- When you say, "I cannot", say, "I can".
- Do you repeat negative words and phrases in your mind? Change them to positive ones.
- Open your mind to positive attitude and expect positive results.
- Decide that from today, from this very moment, you are leaving negative thinking behind, and starting on the way toward positive thinking and behavior.
It is never too late to change your attitude and your life.
--------------
Why Are OTHER People Lucky... Here are some possible answers...
BLOG: Anggerik Merah's world: Life is a journey...
7 secrets of lucky people
http://anggerikmerah.blogspot.ca/2006/02/7-secrets-of-lucky-people.html
1. Assume fate is on your side. If you perceive life's setbacks as business as usual, you will not bother behaving in positive ways that can change your situation.
2. Get an emotional grip. These luck-limiting emotions include shyness, anger and resentment, which he says; turn off people who otherwise would be willing to help you.
Getting these negative emotions under control will likely help you have a higher level of self-esteem, be more optimistic, and be slightly more extroverted.
3. Open your mind to opportunity. You cannot predict what fate has in store for you. But you can improve your luck by training yourself to be more trusting of people and confident that positive outcomes will result from these encounters, says John Krumboltz, professor of education at Stanford University.
4. Think of the world as yours. Embrace random events that happen to you and see their potential for improving your luck, says Krumboltz. He calls this technique "planned happenstance."
"Always keep your options open and be prepared to make mistakes," he says. "You get more in life when you are willing to learn than closing everything out."
5. Keep envy in check. For example, obsessing over the good fortune of someone at work who got a big promotion or a friend who's dating a highly attractive mate can make you feel like a failure, warns Ellen Langer. What looks ideal from the outside in reality may not be ideal for you.
6. Think like a "connector". The more people you know and the more likable you are, the better your odds of becoming lucky. Malcolm Gladwell, author of The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Bigger Difference, calls these types of people "connector."
Most connectors are lucky, he says, because they interact with large groups of powerful people who, in turn, share information and contacts just to stay in the loop.
7. Find an upside to everything. In the study, people who claimed to be lucky tended to remember more of the good things that happened to them in life and blocked out the bad.
When something bad happens to them now, Smith says, they compare the event with the worst that could have happened and realise they came out ahead.
Similarly:
Adventures in Capitalism
The Four Secrets of Lucky People
http://chrisyeh.blogspot.ca/2009/02/four-secrets-of-lucky-people.html
by Chris Yeh
and
4 Secrets of Extremely Lucky People
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-505125_162-38944528/4-secrets-of-extremely-lucky-people/
By Jessica Stillman
or
The Seven Simple Secrets of Naturally Lucky People
http://www.powerattunements.com/article80.html
Spiritual Awakening Network: Forgive and Make Peace
Secret #1. Lucky people don't believe in luck.
Secret #2. "Bad" stuff happens to them too.
Secret #3. More people quit than lose.
Secret #4. Betting on losing hands makes losers.
Secret #5. Most good luck comes through other people.
Secret #6. Good luck favors those who have prepared.
Secret #7. You can attract good things, too.
Why?
Because you are moving forward. You might start with little steps, and use cautious footing in some areas, but you gain experience and these moments lesson as you gain confidence and skill.
In some legs of the journey, you might notice that the terrain is quite gentle and smooth. Maybe you can use these to rest and enjoy yourself.
And on your gentle ascent, you can see you've left your old self and old ideas further and further behind. Upon these reflections, you can marvel and see how far you've come. You can see the times where you left some people behind because they didn't want to be rescued, or they were content to be mired down in their own problems. You realized you could not save these people for they refused to budge. You had to move on. And you did.
You start to notice that you have someone with you on your journey. It's your awareness of all those different parts of yourself that make you whole. You might not have noticed them before. You might not feel so lonely when you realize you've had someone with you all this time!
In some cases, people and ideas you meet along your path will stay with you for the rest of your life. Others will just be at resting points at different parts of the path. They weren't meant to accompany you on the entire way, but they will give you directions, tell you what tools you can use, or teach you something valuable that will help you on your journey.
Here are some tricks and tips to help you along! ♥
--------------
You Are What You Think - What Are Cognitive Distortions?
http://depression.about.com/cs/psychotherapy/a/cognitive.htm
By Nancy Schimelpfening, About.com Guide
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Which came first, the depression symptoms or the pessimistic thoughts? I can't answer the first question, but the answer to the latter may surprise you.
In many cases, depression actually is the result of habitual negative thoughts. When bad things happen, we begin chastising ourselves with thoughts such as: I'm no good, I'm a total failure or Nothing ever goes my way. Our feelings follow what we are thinking, and negative thoughts like these can send us spiraling down into depression.
This concept is the guiding principle behind cognitive therapy, a type of psychotherapy developed by psychiatrist Aaron T. Beck in the 1960s. If we think something often enough, we begin to believe it's true and our feelings match what we are thinking about ourselves. To conquer depression, we must stop those automatic negative thoughts and replace them with more positive, truthful ones. By nipping these thoughts in the bud, we can halt depression before it even starts.
Cognitive therapy is directed at 10 common cognitive distortions, or faulty thought patterns, that send us into depression. See if you recognize yourself in any of these.
- All-or-Nothing Thinking: John recently applied for a promotion in his firm. The job went to another employee with more experience. John wanted this job badly and now feels that he will never be promoted. He feels that he is a total failure in his career.
- Overgeneralization: Linda is lonely and often spends most of her time at home. Her friends sometimes ask her to come out for dinner and meet new people. Linda feels that that is it useless to try to meet people. No one really could like her. People are all mean and superficial anyway.
- Mental Filter: Mary is having a bad day. As she drives home, a kind gentleman waves her to go ahead of him as she merges into traffic. Later in her trip, another driver cuts her off. She grumbles to herself that there are nothing but rude and insensitive people in her city.
- Disqualifying the Positive: Rhonda just had her portrait made. Her friend tells her how beautiful she looks. Rhonda brushes aside the compliment by saying that the photographer must have touched up the picture. She never looks that good in real life, she thinks.
- Jumping to Conclusions: Chuck is waiting for his date at a restaurant. She's now 20 minutes late. Chuck laments to himself that he must have done something wrong and now she has stood him up. Meanwhile, across town, his date is stuck in traffic.
- Magnification and Minimization: Scott is playing football. He bungles a play that he's been practicing for weeks. He later scores the winning touchdown. His teammates compliment him. He tells them he should have played better; the touchdown was just dumb luck.
- Emotional Reasoning: Laura looks around her untidy house and feels overwhelmed by the prospect of cleaning. She feels that it's hopeless to even try to clean.
- Should Statements: David is sitting in his doctor's waiting room. His doctor is running late. David sits stewing, thinking, "With how much I'm paying him, he should be on time. He ought to have more consideration." He ends up feeling bitter and resentful.
- Labeling and Mislabeling: Donna just cheated on her diet. I'm a fat, lazy pig, she thinks.
- Personalization: Jean's son is doing poorly in school. She feels that she must be a bad mother. She feels that it's all her fault that he isn't studying.
JOURNAL SUGGESTION: If you recognize any of these behaviors in yourself, then you're halfway there. Here's a homework assignment for you: Over the next few weeks, monitor the self-defeating ways in which you respond to situations. Practice recognizing your automatic responses. Now, we will take each of the above cognitive distortions and discuss some powerful coping strategies that will help you dispel the blues before they even start.
(PS: there are more pages on this at the bottom of the website)
Likewise....
10 Steps for Transforming Negative Thoughts into Positive Beliefs
http://www.thebridgemaker.com/10-steps-for-transforming-negative-thoughts-into-positive-beliefs/
By Alex Blackwell
--------------
Some good tips in here that are different from above...
10 Tips to Overcome Negative Thoughts: Positive Thinking Made Easy
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-to-overcome-negative-thoughts-positive-thinking-made-easy/
by Michelle Uy, yoga teacher...
1. Meditate or do yoga.
2. Smile.
3. Surround yourself with positive people.
4. Change the tone of your thoughts from negative to positive.
5. Don’t play the victim. You create your life—take responsibility.
6. Help someone.
7. Remember that no one is perfect and let yourself move forward.
8. Sing.
9. List five things that you are grateful for right now.
10. Read positive quotes.
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.
--------------
9 Reasons Why Failure Is Not Fatal
http://99u.com/articles/7057/9-Reasons-Why-Failure-Is-Not-Fata
by Carmel Hagen
Failure. Fear of it is universal, experiencing it is inevitable, and running from it is dependably routine. As a culture we can’t seem to shake the negativity of the term - even though most success stories have a shared foundation in some kind of accidental realization, wrong-footed first attempt, or outright error. Here, we pool our favorite videos and articles on the subject as a gentle reminder that our only real failure is to live life without it.
1. Kathryn Schulz: On Being Wrong
This brief TED talk by “Wrongologist” and author Kathryn Schulz cleverly covers the inescapable error of the human mind - and the beautiful results of its imperfection.
2. Sir James Dyson: Failure Doesn’t Suck
The US’s bestselling vacuum isn’t just a perfect example of rethinking the norm, it’s the happy result of failure – 5,126 of them. The relentless inventor behind the company comes clean in this interview, attributing his comfy relationship with getting it wrong to finally getting it right.
3. Paulo Coelho: On the Fear of Failure
Brazilian lyricist and novelist Paulo Coehlo shares his personal views on confidence in the face of critical response. This comes from a series of awesome videos on failure from Berghs' Exhibition 2011. We highly recommend the watching the lot of them.
4. Twyla Tharp: Real Change Involves Failure
One of America's most celebrated living choreographers, Twyla Tharp is also a keen observer of the creative habit - in fact, she wrote the book on it. From Tharp's point of view, failure is a natural part of the path to innovation. Here's an excerpt from an excellent interview with the Harvard Business Review (see link)....
5. Seth Godin: How the Lizard Brain Holds Us Back
In this classic talk from the inaugural 99% Conference, author and entrepreneur Seth Godin talks about the lizard brain, the root of the primal doubts that drive us to sabotage creative projects before we ever show them to the world.
6. Jamer Hunt: Six Types of Failure, Only a Few Help You Innovate
Playing devil's advocate to an upbeat view of failure, educator Jamer Hunt takes a look at the shades of gray, separating the truly beneficial mistakes from those failures that might indicate a darker, deeper flaw – for instance, the BP oil spill.
7. Gillian Welch: On Rolling with the Punches
Sometimes the things we call failures are really just lessons in letting go. In this video, acclaimed musicians Gillian Welch and David Rawlings collaborate with an artist and a specialty printing group to make an album cover, learning to conspire with their changing circumstances along the way.
8. Tim Harford: Trial, Error and the God Complex
Economics writer Tim Harford believes that all great leaps forward emerge through trial and error. In this TED talk, he articulates the challenges of admitting our own fallibility. Rather than striving to be an all-knowing God, he argues that we should strive to make good mistakes.
9. J.K. Rowling: The Fringe Benefits of Failure
In this now-legendary commencement address, the inimitable J.K. Rowling discusses how failure, while certainly not fun, helps us strip away the inessential so that we can focus our energies on what really matters.
Carmel Hagen is a brand strategist, writer, and speaker who's helping creative thinkers launch socially aware companies at COMMON. For thoughts on creativity, social entrepreneurialism and nerd tech, follow Carmel on Twitter..
--------------
slotralogy and positive thinking
http://www.youmeworks.com/slotralogy-and-positive-thinking.html
Author: Adam Khan
It's interesting to hear various perspectives on how one can continue to move on, even when feeling negative or down, and not having to be fake or with a grin plastered on your face, either. Going forward can be a struggle, true, but there are alternatives to despair that you can try...
And along those lines:
slotralogy 101
http://www.youmeworks.com/slotralogy-101.html
"YOU THINK the way you think because that’s the way you learned to think. You look at things the way you’re used to — the way you’ve learned over your lifetime to look at things. It seems to you that any sensible person would see things the way you see them. You interpret events in a way that seems natural to you."
Read on as the author describes some methods to "To practice thinking something until it becomes natural."
--------------
LATE BLOOMERS: It's not as weird as you think...
Psychology Today: Here to Help - Confessions of a Late Bloomer
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200810/confessions-late-bloomer
We have fixed notions about the time course of success and the nature of talent that encourage us to write off the very people who are most likely to (eventually) change the world.
By Scott Barry Kaufman, published on November 01, 2008 - last reviewed on March 23, 2011
(don't forget to read on - there is a link at the bottom of the page to continue reading)....
Why Are Some People Late Bloomers?
http://www.laterbloomer.com/late-bloomers-1
by Debra Eve
I’m tracking people who don’t realize their creative passion until later, or who discover it early but can’t pursue it until adulthood. I call them Later Bloomers.
Why are some people Later Bloomers?
I’ve identified four broad patterns. In this installment, I explore how the “rocky soil” of our youth could contribute to blooming later through:
- Lack of guidance and opportunity and
- Post-traumatic stress disorder
In the second installment, I look at two intriguing traits that many Later Bloomers share:
- Having too many passions and
- Learning by experimentation
(again, follow along to Part 2 and other links on the bottom of this article)
and also to think about...
THE NEW YORKER: Late Bloomers
Why do we equate genius with precocity?
by Malcolm Gladwell October 20, 2008
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/10/20/081020fa_fact_gladwell
..."This is the vexing lesson of Fountain’s long attempt to get noticed by the literary world. On the road to great achievement, the late bloomer will resemble a failure: while the late bloomer is revising and despairing and changing course and slashing canvases to ribbons after months or years, what he or she produces will look like the kind of thing produced by the artist who will never bloom at all. Prodigies are easy. They advertise their genius from the get-go. Late bloomers are hard. They require forbearance and blind faith. (Let’s just be thankful that Cézanne didn’t have a guidance counselor in high school who looked at his primitive sketches and told him to try accounting.) Whenever we find a late bloomer, we can’t but wonder how many others like him or her we have thwarted because we prematurely judged their talents. But we also have to accept that there’s nothing we can do about it. How can we ever know which of the failures will end up blooming?"
(again remember to continue at the bottom right of each page to continue on)
--------------
SuccessConsciousness.com
The Power of Negative Thinking
By Remez Sasson
http://www.successconsciousness.com/index_00002d.htm
Awaken the wisdom and power within you
A few Tips:
- Every time you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, reject the thought, and think a positive one instead.
- If you catch yourself visualizing failure, visualize success instead.
- If you hear yourself uttering negative words, change to positive words instead.
- When you say, "I cannot", say, "I can".
- Do you repeat negative words and phrases in your mind? Change them to positive ones.
- Open your mind to positive attitude and expect positive results.
- Decide that from today, from this very moment, you are leaving negative thinking behind, and starting on the way toward positive thinking and behavior.
It is never too late to change your attitude and your life.
--------------
Why Are OTHER People Lucky... Here are some possible answers...
BLOG: Anggerik Merah's world: Life is a journey...
7 secrets of lucky people
http://anggerikmerah.blogspot.ca/2006/02/7-secrets-of-lucky-people.html
1. Assume fate is on your side. If you perceive life's setbacks as business as usual, you will not bother behaving in positive ways that can change your situation.
2. Get an emotional grip. These luck-limiting emotions include shyness, anger and resentment, which he says; turn off people who otherwise would be willing to help you.
Getting these negative emotions under control will likely help you have a higher level of self-esteem, be more optimistic, and be slightly more extroverted.
3. Open your mind to opportunity. You cannot predict what fate has in store for you. But you can improve your luck by training yourself to be more trusting of people and confident that positive outcomes will result from these encounters, says John Krumboltz, professor of education at Stanford University.
4. Think of the world as yours. Embrace random events that happen to you and see their potential for improving your luck, says Krumboltz. He calls this technique "planned happenstance."
"Always keep your options open and be prepared to make mistakes," he says. "You get more in life when you are willing to learn than closing everything out."
5. Keep envy in check. For example, obsessing over the good fortune of someone at work who got a big promotion or a friend who's dating a highly attractive mate can make you feel like a failure, warns Ellen Langer. What looks ideal from the outside in reality may not be ideal for you.
6. Think like a "connector". The more people you know and the more likable you are, the better your odds of becoming lucky. Malcolm Gladwell, author of The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Bigger Difference, calls these types of people "connector."
Most connectors are lucky, he says, because they interact with large groups of powerful people who, in turn, share information and contacts just to stay in the loop.
7. Find an upside to everything. In the study, people who claimed to be lucky tended to remember more of the good things that happened to them in life and blocked out the bad.
When something bad happens to them now, Smith says, they compare the event with the worst that could have happened and realise they came out ahead.
Similarly:
Adventures in Capitalism
The Four Secrets of Lucky People
http://chrisyeh.blogspot.ca/2009/02/four-secrets-of-lucky-people.html
by Chris Yeh
- First, lucky people frequently happen upon chance opportunities.
- Second, lucky people listen to their hunches and make good decisions without really knowing why. Unlucky people, by contrast, tend to make unsuccessful decisions and trust the wrong people.
- Third, lucky people persevere in the face of failure and have an uncanny knack for making their wishes come true.
- Fourth, lucky people have a special ability to turn bad luck into good fortune.
and
4 Secrets of Extremely Lucky People
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-505125_162-38944528/4-secrets-of-extremely-lucky-people/
By Jessica Stillman
or
The Seven Simple Secrets of Naturally Lucky People
http://www.powerattunements.com/article80.html
Spiritual Awakening Network: Forgive and Make Peace
Secret #1. Lucky people don't believe in luck.
Secret #2. "Bad" stuff happens to them too.
Secret #3. More people quit than lose.
Secret #4. Betting on losing hands makes losers.
Secret #5. Most good luck comes through other people.
Secret #6. Good luck favors those who have prepared.
Secret #7. You can attract good things, too.
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