MORE VALIDATION

I was reading from the Psychlinks Forum an article by Karyl McBride, Ph.D....  In it a phrase popped out at me....   (from Do I Have To Be Nice To People Who Are Mean To Me?

 or http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201108/do-i-have-be-nice-people-who-are-mean-me  ) -- I have highlighted the phrases that seem to describe me perfectly...

If a child spends extensive childhood energy attempting to gain love, approval, and acceptance from a narcissistic parent who cannot provide it, that child learns the ingrained behavior of people pleasing. The result is disturbing because it creates co-dependency and even an extreme tolerance for aberrant behavior in others. When others are mean, the adult child of narcissistic parents transforms into the one who takes the blame, apologizes, and feels "they" must be nice. They ultimately even end up trying to fix the problem. The hurt is there, but is accepted and taken anyway, because they have learned they cannot expect anything else. Common phrases heard from the co-dependent are "I'm fine" and "I'm sorry." The message carried from childhood is that everyone is supposed to like you. Well... do you like everyone "you" meet?

another excerpt:

So, do we have to be nice to people who are mean to us? What do we do? Do we have to expend significant energy to make it better? Do we have to continue to people please?
The answer lies in knowing that you are worthy and deserve to be treated kindly by others. You do not have to put up with mean, cruel or abusive behavior from anyone. You can learn to set boundaries and draw your line in the sand. This is what I will accept and this is what I will not accept. You are worth it to take good care of yourself in this manner. If you don't, who will? 

I wondered recently why I take exception to people mistreating others, but for some reason I am accepting or tolerating of the same type of behaviour towards myself.  It was a light bulb moment.  I mean I was never mindful of that before until recently.  I felt a bit bad that I had to end a relationship with someone about it, but judging from all his other behaviours he displayed I was falling into another relationship trap where I was befriending someone with no boundaries or respect for me.  I really must learn to listen more to my husband, who was only tolerating this person because of me.  lol