Privacy Issues

After letting my brother and sister-in-law know what we were doing, they requested not to be involved, which is understandable under the circumstances... I took out everyone's names and just used their first initial to protect privacy.

Hey Holly,

Sounds good.

G recommends you contact a City of Regina Assessor and talk to them re: property values and quote only what the assessor has to say. G doesn't feel comfortable being quoted with the information she gave you, even if you say it came from someone else, especially because it's a VERY rough estimate and opinion, and she doesn't know how likely it is for an assessor to say those kinds of things about the house. Overall, we both feel it's best if we aren't involved in any way, for our sakes and for yours. Mom has a way of tripping us all up and finding things out (ie. that G gave you this info), and it can all wind up biting us in the butt somehow. So just call the City and get any info you can directly from them.

I also would ask that you remove the comments about how Mom got me to sign an apology to cover her sorry ass. Don't get me wrong, I would love to throw that in her fuckin face at any chance I can get but, this isn't the time or place.

We support you and will help you in any way we can that is good/healthy for all of us. If you have any questions about this email, or G's professional and personal opinion, or just need to vent, don't hesitate to call. We are here for you.

Love R


That being said, that means 'The Email' to mother would resemble this:

Dear mom and dad,

As per our conversation on Tuesday, Aug 12, 2008;

D and I both agree that we do not wish to have any money acquired from the sale of this house on 2237 Edward Street. We will sign a contract with you stating this if you like.
We do want one of two things to happen:

A) to take my name off the house title;

or

B) to have you provide a signed letter that states D (my husband) and I will not be held responsible for or charged for income tax, fees or anything related to the house, for moving out if we buy another house; and that you will be responsible for any income tax if we are charged for it on the grounds that we were inadequately informed of the nature of the financial risks involved when I agreed to let you use my name on the title. Additionally, if we are charged for the Capital Gains on the house, we will be reimbursed with whatever money is available from the sale on the house.

I don't like my name being on the title of the house. When I was signing that contract (which you told me on Tuesday Aug 12 was for if I passed away the house would go to you and dad), I thought it was to remove my name off the house. We have been paying you cash for 'rent' every month, which I assume is so that you don't have to report the income earned. As you have told me, on more than one occasion, this is the case with our payments (which we have been calling 'rent'), as well as other rent you have been collecting from other rental properties over a period of years. This concerns me as to whether I have been involved in a transaction that is possibly illegal, but at best seems unethical. I am not going to be coerced into writing a letter to the Government taking blame for your actions.

I also do not like being in the position where you feel it is appropriate as our landlady or my mother to tell us we have to move our furniture to the basement or wait until it is convenient for you before we move out. I do appreciate that you mentioned on your last voicemail Fri Aug 15th, that you changed your mind on both these points. However I would rather send this message as it explains my thoughts in their entirety. I know even before sitting down and looking at the paperwork that I am steadfast and stalwart about not wanting involvement in the title of the house.

Our position still stands: If we find a house we want to move into, we want to move out when it is convenient for us. We have not been living here for free, so I think that should remove any family obligation, and necessary repairs have not been made when appropriate, so I think that should remove any tenant obligation. There have also been times when, once repairs were done, they were either done without permits or done improperly, as in the case with the electrical and recurring mold in the house. It is clear this house is in no way my property in your mind, therefore I should not incur any responsibility for it, nor benefit from its sale. Additionally the payments I've been making to you (that we have been referring to as 'rent') as well as the payments you have been receiving from other tenants while I wasn’t living there, go towards the repairs and income tax/property taxes.

There are several health reasons I wish to get out of the house. One, there is black mold which is consistently covered up when it comes through the walls or ceiling, but is never thoroughly removed (so it grows back). Another is the unfinished basement below is hard to keep clean and free of mildew and dust. These are not acceptable health risks anymore, and never should have been acceptable to us or you.

The main reason we want to move out of the house, however, is because of our relationship. I feel like there have been several times where my relationship to you as a tenant has been neglected in a way it would not have been if I was not your daughter, and I do not understand why you would pay less attention, not more, to these issues. For instance, it took over a year for you to fix the porch and the bathroom. If I was not your daughter, I would have been able to take these issues to the Rentalsman or simply move out. Because I have allergies and asthma, I should only have had to bring it up once, and you, both aware of and concerned about my health, would have understood it was necessary to address this issue quickly. I was and am perplexed that even though I brought it up several times, you did not immediately fix at least the bathroom which was full of black mold and used daily. The porch also had mold in it and was falling down. It seemed that it was only when Joline was coming down to visit that you finally took action. After that, I was reluctant to report even minor issues because I figured you would respond the same way. I do not understand why you did not act on this for so long and I find this increasingly difficult to ignore. And then when I did not report minor repairs, I was chastised and told to repair them myself. Even though a landlord is supposed to pay for repairs, I did not ask for reimbursement in the interests of keeping the peace. But perhaps that is because in some cases, it is in your mind that I do own the house in part, so I should pay for the repairs. This inconsistency is another reason I would like to live independently.

When D (my husband) and I move out, I hope our relationship may improve. I don’t know how that will happen without significant changes in the way we communicate and understand each other. I know I need to be more assertive, but I also feel you need to be more attentive to my needs and less concerned about this real estate transaction. I feel angry and hurt and manipulated.

For your convenience, I have provided research from a number of resources in regards to value of the house and various angles of expertise about the situation D and I are currently in. I would appreciate a thought-out reply to this letter when it is convenient for you.

-Holly 

I did this a lot:  I write down stuff or rehearse stuff all the time.  But I don't always send it or say it or do it.  I think I must have rehearsed millions of strategies and role-played in my mind a zillion ways to talk to or say things to my mom.  Because she was unpredictable and one would have to be prepared for ANYTHING!