This (painting) just turned out to be how I was feeling. I felt driven to do it. I wanted to portray the soul of a little girl, a shadow crushing her soul's heart. She feels she cannot speak (for fear of what will happen to her, mostly), and this causes her to feel suffocated. I felt this portrayed well the issue of my mother's interference and the issue of my cousin's sexual predation on me.
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Update after Wednesday Aug 13, 2008...
I had to write a confession of sorts, because it was too difficult to tell him verbally what had happened to me and what I thought had happened to me and what I had done to someone else when I was around 7 yrs old.
After he had read this information, T looked me in the eye said there was absolutely no doubt in his mind that I had not done wrong. Several times he reassured me that I had done nothing wrong.
Considering the fact that we had both been interested in doing the same thing, and were curious, and with the limited information we had we didn't really know what we were doing.
I had a good cry, because I was quite relieved.
------------------------- PS: T had thought perhaps my asthma was psychosomatic... I don't think so. My father smoked for years and I was always coughing coughing coughing and our physician did say I had it.
Speaking of psychosomatic symptoms (referring to the session last Wed), if anything was, I would suspect it would be my thyroid. Both Robin & I have thyroid issues, and if you know a bit about Chakras, the throat chakra symbolizes truth and voice. It wants to be heard. In the phsyiological sense of things, our tissues were/are being attacked by our own immune systems. How symbolic is that of inner turmoil? But since I've been talking with you, my symptoms have lessened and now I'm back on keeping levels up with meds (because you might recall I had my thyroid destroyed with radioactive iodine so 'normal' now would be hypo instead of hyper). lol Even Robin even mentioned that to me, but I had already mentioned it on my private blog ages ago (I've got all sorts of uneducated theories about things on there). I realize how much I really really missed him now that he's come for a visit.
'The throat chakra, Vishuddha, is said to be related to communication and growth, growth being a form of expression. This chakra is paralleled to the thyroid, a gland that is also in the throat, and which produces thyroid hormone, responsible for growth and maturation. ' http://www.crystalinks.com/chakras.html
'This chakra controls the throat and the neck, and the arms and the hands. It is associated with the brachial or cervical plexus.
Endocrine Gland: Thyroid Gland
Consciousness: The aspects of expressing and receiving. Expressing can be in the form of communicating what one wants and what one feels, or it can be an artistic expression, as an artist painting, a dancer dancing, a musician playing music, using a form for expressing and bringing to the outside what was within. Expressing is related to receiving, as in "Ask, and ye shall receive." ' http://www.healer.ch/throatchakra.html
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