Some very generalized quotes from a Facebook discussion (private messages) between a relative of mine and myself. I had to edit rather intensely to protect the identity of my relative. I can't use specific events as examples, and I can't say the exact details, and I can't even say the sex of the relative or whether this relative is a cousin, aunt, uncle, etc. The reason I wanted to show this information, is for the benefit of others.
If you have been raised by or live with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and your relative or significant other or sibling/relative you will find that some relatives will support you and agree with your observations on his/her behaviour. There will always be someone in the family that will try to defend this very same person. The person with Narcissistic Personality, as you know, does manage to have some people on his/her side due to manipulation, lies, threats, stating opinion as fact, etc.
My mother, for instance, used to say negative things to my youngest brother R about my husband. Because my husband and I didn't live in the same city for the longest time, my brother would have a hard time actually seeing what my husband truly is like as a person. How could my brother think my mother was lying? Why would mom say anything mean or be critical of the man married to her daughter unless that man was, in fact, a terrible person? Of course my brother would tend to believe what my mother told him as fact. Why would a mother try to turn someone against a child's spouse? Because I was 'stolen' from her, that's why. I was no longer hers to control, so why not try to do some sabotage to that relationship. She also tried, even more intensely, to interfere with that brother of mine and his wife. My mother has an intense hatred for my sister-in-law.
She probably still has hatred toward my husband: I am sure that her feelings about him didn't just disappear into thin air. My theory is that if she talks about other people in our family when I am there, then I can only imagine what she says about me when I am not there. I have made it clear to her that I love him and will defend him, so she certainly doesn't say anything rude or obnoxious in front of me about him anymore. My mother has even tried to leave messages on our answering machine starting out the message with, "Don't tell your husband but..." or some such nonsense. Laughable, isn't it? She wanted to tell me something on an audible answering machine and wanted me to hide that information from my own husband! She even had the gall to tell me once that he resembled the cousin who molested me, and I told her in no uncertain terms, NEVER, EVER say that again. I absolutely do not see ANY resemblance whatsoever. Can you imagine??
My mother, for instance, used to say negative things to my youngest brother R about my husband. Because my husband and I didn't live in the same city for the longest time, my brother would have a hard time actually seeing what my husband truly is like as a person. How could my brother think my mother was lying? Why would mom say anything mean or be critical of the man married to her daughter unless that man was, in fact, a terrible person? Of course my brother would tend to believe what my mother told him as fact. Why would a mother try to turn someone against a child's spouse? Because I was 'stolen' from her, that's why. I was no longer hers to control, so why not try to do some sabotage to that relationship. She also tried, even more intensely, to interfere with that brother of mine and his wife. My mother has an intense hatred for my sister-in-law.
She probably still has hatred toward my husband: I am sure that her feelings about him didn't just disappear into thin air. My theory is that if she talks about other people in our family when I am there, then I can only imagine what she says about me when I am not there. I have made it clear to her that I love him and will defend him, so she certainly doesn't say anything rude or obnoxious in front of me about him anymore. My mother has even tried to leave messages on our answering machine starting out the message with, "Don't tell your husband but..." or some such nonsense. Laughable, isn't it? She wanted to tell me something on an audible answering machine and wanted me to hide that information from my own husband! She even had the gall to tell me once that he resembled the cousin who molested me, and I told her in no uncertain terms, NEVER, EVER say that again. I absolutely do not see ANY resemblance whatsoever. Can you imagine??
When my husband and I moved back to the same city, my youngest brother's perceptions of my husband changed. Those two fellows got to hang out together and with me and slowly my brother came around. At first my brother was a little bit critical (although most of the time I took it as joking, giving my husband a hard time, etc because families are protective of their own)... But after a while my brother began to see that my husband is a very gentle and loving man, fiercely loyal and protective of his wife. My brother later apologized to my husband for the misunderstanding, but it was mostly misconceptions fed to him from my mother. And she is guilty of that offense with everyone in our family.
My mother has been known to interfere (I have other relatives who have observed) medically and with medication of others. I assume it is because she is a registered nurse and has taken some additional classes regarding psychiatric drugs she seems to have some way of convincing doctors and nurses that she knows best for what medication someone in her family should have. This influence from her (according to relatives) has affected the quality of life for my middle brother, and possibly my mom's own parents.
My mother is very skilled at making others look or feel ridiculous if they don't take her side or follow her instructions. I would not be surprised if she tries everything from threatening to sue or take some kind of legal action (which she might try, but would likely fail), or she will try to undermine or humiliate someone who refuses her. Imagine her making a scene in front of other doctors and administrators at a hospital in front of other staff, residents and visitors. She is very dangerous this way because she will cite her opinions and her own skewed observations as fact. She will SOUND like she knows exactly what she is talking about. I speculate that she would not be afraid to even resort to becoming hysterical if someone doesn't follow her instructions and accuse them of trying to murder or hurt someone because of their inaction/refusal to do what she wants them to do. Even if a person can see right before their eyes that it's black, she will do her best to make you say it is white, even though you see it as black.
If she can, she will get someone drugged or incapacitated to the point where they cannot voice their own opinion. Just the way she wants everyone around her to be! Apathetic, letting things happen, complacent, docile. No one arguing with her.
For my mother, it doesn't matter what the facts actually are; it's almost as though you need her permission to think the way you want. If anything, my mother is persistent. She is like water, and if she's at you enough, you will crumble. Either that or she will just make your life hell because you refuse to succumb to her very strong will. If you don't think how she thinks, then you have something wrong with you, or at least that is what she will go around pointing out to everyone and what she tells herself.
My mother is very skilled at making others look or feel ridiculous if they don't take her side or follow her instructions. I would not be surprised if she tries everything from threatening to sue or take some kind of legal action (which she might try, but would likely fail), or she will try to undermine or humiliate someone who refuses her. Imagine her making a scene in front of other doctors and administrators at a hospital in front of other staff, residents and visitors. She is very dangerous this way because she will cite her opinions and her own skewed observations as fact. She will SOUND like she knows exactly what she is talking about. I speculate that she would not be afraid to even resort to becoming hysterical if someone doesn't follow her instructions and accuse them of trying to murder or hurt someone because of their inaction/refusal to do what she wants them to do. Even if a person can see right before their eyes that it's black, she will do her best to make you say it is white, even though you see it as black.
If she can, she will get someone drugged or incapacitated to the point where they cannot voice their own opinion. Just the way she wants everyone around her to be! Apathetic, letting things happen, complacent, docile. No one arguing with her.
For my mother, it doesn't matter what the facts actually are; it's almost as though you need her permission to think the way you want. If anything, my mother is persistent. She is like water, and if she's at you enough, you will crumble. Either that or she will just make your life hell because you refuse to succumb to her very strong will. If you don't think how she thinks, then you have something wrong with you, or at least that is what she will go around pointing out to everyone and what she tells herself.
My mother has told me that certain things have happened to her in her life. However, I have been told by at least one relative that what my mother claims to have had happen to herself did in fact, not happen to HER, they happened to other people in her family. My mom seems to think that by throwing drama and stories about OTHER people, or essentially lies about herself, is will probably make her easier to like, or makes other people feel more sorry for her, or gives her the attention she craves. It's like the time she tried to claim she had cancer and 'you never know how much time you have left' when you have cancer. I still don't know why a person with 'serious' cancer would still go to Florida for a couple of weeks with a topical cream to remove said .1 cm flesh from her chest. I also don't know why she would tell my husband and I that she told a renter of hers that she had cancer (this was before she actually found out she had a small spot on her chest) so he would treat her better. I was shocked. And I bit my tongue because I sure wanted to smack her upside the head for saying such a thing just to get someone to stop yelling at her (for something she likely had done to provoke him into yelling)! What an insult to people who actually have or had cancer!
I was always unsure about what happened to my middle brother in grade 5 (C who lives with them right now in). I now know for certain at some point my mother put him on some kind of anti depressants. My middle brother may have had things wrong with him but my mom made sure he can never be on his own or ever get better or at least, if he had some type of learning disability, LOTS of people have disabilities of different kinds and learn how to live with them.
For instance, my mom touched my middle brother on his behind at church, saying she was trying to get a hymn book. My mom told me her version of this, that he stormed out of the church and was very very angry and upset, to the point that my mother claimed she was fearful of him. My brother told me about it, too, and gave me his version. He felt humiliated and violated because not only did mom place her hand on his bum, she did it at the front of the church where they were sitting. Even if he is somewhat hyper-sensitive to a lot of things (who wouldn't be? I certainly was when I was living with her), I agree that my mother should not have touched his behind. She could simply have asked him to move, or touched him on his shoulder or motioned with her hand for him to move away from the pew so she could reach the book.
They were right in the front-most row, as usual, because my mother likes to be in the front row of everything. My mother told me she thought he over-reacted to the point of being dangerous. She has told me more than once, including in this situation, about institutionalizing him. I think sometimes she tries to provoke him so she can arrest him. On the other hand, she always enjoyed provoking us. She would follow us around unceasingly when we tried to go to our rooms or get some space somehow when we were growing up. She would deliberately not give us the breathing space we would need to cool down, in fact she seemed to try to fuel the fire by pouring gasoline on it. It was a game to her to see how far she could get before we would cry, explode in her face in rage, punch a hole in a wall, or scream obscenities, or run away from the house, and then she would walk around like a wounded duck squawking to dad or anyone else who would listen about how mean and terrible her children are toward her.
My mom thinks she is a leading authority on drugs and who should take them. She was a nurse before she retired, and would take expired drugs home from work. Tylenol (admittedly, no big deal), Ponstan, Tetracycline, muscle relaxants and those were the drugs I knew about, there may have been others. She used the muscle relaxants herself, but she had no qualms about giving us the other drugs. She said Ponstan was to help keep my mind clear. There never seemed to be a bottle with instructions, she would just tell us what dosage to take. She once gave me a gel pill I had never seen before and I took it to the pharmacy and asked about it. The pharmacist said that if it was expired it could actually be poisonous. I can't remember what it was, just that it was a black and white gel pill.
When our first dog was getting older and becoming very sick, she started feeding the dog muscle relaxants and pain killers. She would not put the dog down humanely, because apparently my middle brother (who was not in town at the time) would have something to say about it. So she just prolonged our dog's suffering. Our dog had multiple seizures. It made me cry so hard to witness it. Our dog could not move, so I hope she was not afraid or fearful or in pain and unable to move.
Their second dog (that they got after the kids had all moved out) was a Shitzu-cross. He was getting older, and having stomach problems. It probably didn't help that my mother would feed him balogna and cereal with milk all the time. She felt it would prevent the dog from eating its own crap. Anyway, it's quite coincidental that the dog died a day or two before my parents moved to BC. My theory is that the dog was going to be too much of a burden for them to take him with them. My mom may or may not have drugged the dog herself. Her story was that, inexplicably, the dog had some kind of seizure to the point where its neck was damaged.
If, in fact the dog had a seizure to the point where he had damaged his neck as my mother described (she almost made it sound like his neck had broken, as she described his head was hanging limply to one side), I suspect it was drugs she gave him or she may have physically attempted to break his neck herself. Either that or the story of the seizure is a lie and mom just didn't want to tell us that she wanted to put the dog to sleep because they were moving. My parents knew we would probably not want to take him because we don't care for her dog very much. We observed the dog a day or two before all this occurred and the dog actually looked like he was doing just fine... I don't know how much my dad knows about this. The reason I don't believe it is because she kept repeating the story over and over and describing everything in detail. If it was the truth why not just tell us once and then let it be?
I was always unsure about what happened to my middle brother in grade 5 (C who lives with them right now in). I now know for certain at some point my mother put him on some kind of anti depressants. My middle brother may have had things wrong with him but my mom made sure he can never be on his own or ever get better or at least, if he had some type of learning disability, LOTS of people have disabilities of different kinds and learn how to live with them.
For instance, my mom touched my middle brother on his behind at church, saying she was trying to get a hymn book. My mom told me her version of this, that he stormed out of the church and was very very angry and upset, to the point that my mother claimed she was fearful of him. My brother told me about it, too, and gave me his version. He felt humiliated and violated because not only did mom place her hand on his bum, she did it at the front of the church where they were sitting. Even if he is somewhat hyper-sensitive to a lot of things (who wouldn't be? I certainly was when I was living with her), I agree that my mother should not have touched his behind. She could simply have asked him to move, or touched him on his shoulder or motioned with her hand for him to move away from the pew so she could reach the book.
They were right in the front-most row, as usual, because my mother likes to be in the front row of everything. My mother told me she thought he over-reacted to the point of being dangerous. She has told me more than once, including in this situation, about institutionalizing him. I think sometimes she tries to provoke him so she can arrest him. On the other hand, she always enjoyed provoking us. She would follow us around unceasingly when we tried to go to our rooms or get some space somehow when we were growing up. She would deliberately not give us the breathing space we would need to cool down, in fact she seemed to try to fuel the fire by pouring gasoline on it. It was a game to her to see how far she could get before we would cry, explode in her face in rage, punch a hole in a wall, or scream obscenities, or run away from the house, and then she would walk around like a wounded duck squawking to dad or anyone else who would listen about how mean and terrible her children are toward her.
My mom thinks she is a leading authority on drugs and who should take them. She was a nurse before she retired, and would take expired drugs home from work. Tylenol (admittedly, no big deal), Ponstan, Tetracycline, muscle relaxants and those were the drugs I knew about, there may have been others. She used the muscle relaxants herself, but she had no qualms about giving us the other drugs. She said Ponstan was to help keep my mind clear. There never seemed to be a bottle with instructions, she would just tell us what dosage to take. She once gave me a gel pill I had never seen before and I took it to the pharmacy and asked about it. The pharmacist said that if it was expired it could actually be poisonous. I can't remember what it was, just that it was a black and white gel pill.
When our first dog was getting older and becoming very sick, she started feeding the dog muscle relaxants and pain killers. She would not put the dog down humanely, because apparently my middle brother (who was not in town at the time) would have something to say about it. So she just prolonged our dog's suffering. Our dog had multiple seizures. It made me cry so hard to witness it. Our dog could not move, so I hope she was not afraid or fearful or in pain and unable to move.
Their second dog (that they got after the kids had all moved out) was a Shitzu-cross. He was getting older, and having stomach problems. It probably didn't help that my mother would feed him balogna and cereal with milk all the time. She felt it would prevent the dog from eating its own crap. Anyway, it's quite coincidental that the dog died a day or two before my parents moved to BC. My theory is that the dog was going to be too much of a burden for them to take him with them. My mom may or may not have drugged the dog herself. Her story was that, inexplicably, the dog had some kind of seizure to the point where its neck was damaged.
If, in fact the dog had a seizure to the point where he had damaged his neck as my mother described (she almost made it sound like his neck had broken, as she described his head was hanging limply to one side), I suspect it was drugs she gave him or she may have physically attempted to break his neck herself. Either that or the story of the seizure is a lie and mom just didn't want to tell us that she wanted to put the dog to sleep because they were moving. My parents knew we would probably not want to take him because we don't care for her dog very much. We observed the dog a day or two before all this occurred and the dog actually looked like he was doing just fine... I don't know how much my dad knows about this. The reason I don't believe it is because she kept repeating the story over and over and describing everything in detail. If it was the truth why not just tell us once and then let it be?
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