The Sun Comes Out

I sent the following message to my parents:

Dear Mom and Dad,

You have requested to get in contact with me by phone.  However, I don’t feel this is something I can do anymore.  I am willing to communicate with email for now. 

The simple answer to your question ‘why’ is when I am talking to the two of you:

-       Dad rarely, if ever, has anything to say.

-       Mom is normally in control of the conversation.

-       When I get through a phone call, I don’t feel good about myself.  So in an effort to protect myself I am restricting myself to email.

This has been a long time coming.  It was always coming to this.  I’ve had a lot of turmoil in my soul for a long time.  Now I do not.

Sincerely,

Holly

Surprisingly they just responded with this reply below...  Notice how you can't tell WHO is actually writing this article.  It used to be that Dad only communicated with me by email.  Now it looks like my mother saturates everything...

PARENTS:

Hi, just wanted to ask how your health is these days. Is the stress level/migraine situation any better? Has your bronchial condition improved? Has Bruiser been voted the best-lookin' dog on earth yet? Oh yes, and we're still wondering when David's birthday is so we can send him a card. We accidentally missed getting a card to you for your birthday, Holly - don't want that to happen again! (we were in the middle of moving for the 2nd time in a 6-month period) Sorry! Love, Mm & Dd (we're learning textese!) 

ME: 

I feel much better lately. It actually took me about three weeks to get my voice back to normal.

Bruiser didn't get nearly enough votes, but oh well! lol We don't care, because WE think he's the best! 8D I suppose if I really really tried and campaigned as though I was trying to become Prime Minister it might have happened. But he's a dog and doesn't care for the publicity!

PARENTS:

Dear Holly, we are glad to hear your chest problem & vice are getting better again. As you know, we keep quite busy with our rentals. That isn't a topic to discuss but does as usual take up a fair amount of time. Also, we have been extremely slowly unpacking because we were tired of it 2 times in row. So, we cut ourselves some slack and told ourselves to do it only as we could feel up to it. Finally, now, all the boxes in the living room are unpacked. We are just starting to put the pictures up. There a half-dozen boxes in the bedroom to unpack. Pictures need put up everywhere. A few boxes are left in the garage. Upon returning from Florida, an intense 2 weeks got us caught up on our income tax. We go for a walk most days. Dad works out once a week or so at the local pool and fitness centre for less than $3 per session. Mom swims once a week for the same cost. We miss Snifter for our walks, but he trained us well. Mom goes out for dinner at different restaurants once a month with the ex-sewing ladies group. Besides that we try to go out with Chris to a movie or some such event once a month. He mainly is a loner so we like to keep in contact. He comes here Sundays for supper and usually one other short visit during the week. The weather has been about 5 degrees lower than it should be since the start of February and the sun is coming out less than predicted. This week they predict some some sun every day, but we Island citizens, while skeptical, appreciate that soon that will be the case. Most of the rain has been gone for a couple of weeks. Mom & Dad both go to Margie's to play games and have lovely meals there. She loves making meals for friends and family. We've had to our previous house for meals. When we are a little more caught up with unpacking, we'll have her here. We have been buying a pizza and taking dessert over there until then. The 3rd friend with cancer, Elaine, looks like her operation proved successful. She is one of 3 friends to survive, but unfortunately her husband had a stroke and at present she has to put pads on him, take him allover for therapies by car. She has to do all the regular living work, plus help him in and out of the car. He doesn't always lean correctly in his walker, so falls at present are a risk. We all hope and pray that he'll gradually get stronger. After the stroke, he had to go on antidepressants which changed his whole outlook to a positive one and so he is doing better with his therapies. He loves to sing Christian songs for inspiration. Dad has very little yard work to do on this low maintenance but beautiful yard with mostly perennials. He'll have only a small section to mow (we are getting our own lawn mower). We'll be looking for a few perennials for the hill in our back yard and gradually will paint the deck or Chris will. We had to get a guy to empty the eaves troughs of leaves and debris so the winter runoff would be away from the foundation which of course we did in Regina for snow and rain but here is just for rain pretty much. We have nice neighbours in the bay, who say hello and chat but mostly keep to themselves which we like. There is only one couple we might bet involved more with a time goes on. We'll see. Occasionally we meet with other friends who we knew in Regina years ago. Love, Mom & Dad

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And also I wrote to this link: http://hubpages.com/hub/Do-You-Have-a-Narcissistic-Mother

I totally agree with everyone above.  After some lengthy psychology counseling and support from my husband and other family members (most if not all) I am finally at a stage in my life where I accept that my mother is ill and there isn't much I can do about it.  She is her own worst enemy.  It's almost as though she is an alien from another planet, to the point where I think she may not only be Narcissistic but also has some tendencies toward Psychopathy.  My dad is her enabler.  I am not 100% sure what to do, but the fact that they live two provinces away from me helps, and I have blocked their phone number so they can no longer call me.  It doesn't matter anyway, because even though both my parents are on the line, it is my mother controlling the conversation and my dad doesn't seem to have a thing to say to me.  He always let her get away with any type of behaviour and never stuck up for me, or took my side, or his own side, or any side except hers.  For a long time I knew my mother was sick, and felt 'oh she doesn't know any better' and because of this was easy to manipulate out of guilt.  Trying to reason with her is like talking to a person with an addictive personality (you CAN'T reason with a drunk person or any person whose perceptions are filtered in such a way as to create fact out of fiction) or talking to a wall.  She may appear apologetic or remorseful, but how can a person who doesn't understand what they are doing wrong be truly sorry for something they did?  What she really feels is resentment and frustration and anger when she creates those very same feelings in other people.  At some level though, I think she DOES know what she is doing.  Sometimes she behaves as though she is clueless, but at the same time there are levels of conscious effort to deceive or hide truth or undermine.  I am not sure what to think anymore, but I can't let guilt rule me anymore.  I'm tired of feeling badly about myself after talking with her, or trying to defend my ideas and actions and way of life.  Basically any time we talk it is like a collision of forces.  She is the immovable force, always, because she never relents, never bends, never tries to compromise.  It is usually me who ends up doing the compromising.  I'm constantly biting my tongue because if I protest something she says, it's an instant argument.  Constant struggle.  Always a battle that you're never going to win. No peace.  Well she no longer has any power over me.  She never really did.  It just took me a long time to figure it out for myself.