Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

I have been reading Goodwin and Guze's Psychiatric Diagnosis; 6ed... and thought I could relate a cross-reference this with my previous post on this link HERE.

One should never self-diagnosis, I am not trained in this sort of thing.  My psychologist thinks perhaps I was normally afraid of the dark like most children were.  I just don't know if I was able to express myself about everything at the time I told him the information about being molested.  Besides, in my opinion, the worst 'trauma' I experienced after the fact was that my mother said it might have been my fault and that I might have somehow sought him out.   I erroneously was thinking that perhaps I did seek him out, and asked her if that was the case, was it my fault?  She said she didn't know, maybe, probably.  My psychologist said emphatically, NO.  It is never the child's fault.  Additionally, it's possible my cousin may have been acting out because of abuses done to him or that he had witnessed; at least that is what some of my relatives have said.  They want me to talk to him, because in the past I tried to talk to him, but my mother interfered.  However I do NOT want to talk to him in person or by Facebook or anything.  I have an intense revulsion for him.  I don't think I actually hate him, and I don't think I am exactly afraid of him, but perhaps I am more afraid about what I will find out about him.  We're guessing if I was ranging in age from 6-9 years old, then he may have started the abuse when he was 12 -15 years (possibly longer than that).  He was pretty much a child himself, and may have been having issues with his own PSTD.  I have difficulty feeling any sympathy for him, as my mother defends him enough for the both of us anyway.   It almost feels to me like my mother feels worse for her nephew than she does for me, her own daughter.    . 

Also I have figured something out:  I was possibly older than I previously thought when some of this abuse was still occurring.  I think the tornado when he was visiting us in our city was in 1979, which would mean I was around 8 turning 9, and he would be around 15.  That visit was the time he clamped his hand over my mouth so I could barely breathe when my mom came down to the door of the basement and called for me.  I tried to answer and he that is when he did that. And there was abuse before and after that point in time.  I just have trouble figuring things out chronologically. 

I was reading up a bit on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in children who are abused, and I found it interesting that although I might have experienced some trauma in regards to the molestation, I think I probably had more trauma from my mother's emotional and psychological abuse/neglect.  PTSD seems to be more to do with witnessing or being a victim of horrible physical abuse, not mental or emotional or psychological trauma. I wasn't exactly repeatedly beaten physically, I didn't see blood and gore, and I didn't lose any limbs, but there definitely was a lot of stress and anxiety as a result of living in my environment.  Perhaps there is a different name for learning to deal with long-term stress causing anxiety.  Perhaps that is where Borderline Personality Disorder comes in to play.

It's just that for years, while the sexual molestation (never penetration) was occurring,I would be at school, or doing something mundane and all of a sudden these intrusive memories of what happened would pop into my head.  It was very disturbing.  I wouldn't exactly feel or smell anything, but sudden flashbacks of darkness or his presence or something about his face his hands or something about him and what he was doing to me would jump into my head.  It was very hard to block these things out.  I think I was constantly trying to occupy my thoughts to avoid thinking about it.  Even into my teens this would happen, especially at night when I was trying to go to sleep.  Perhaps this is why I can't remember much of my childhood. I was constantly trying to think of something else and do something rather than being aware of my surroundings, because a lot of times inside my head there were all these unwanted thoughts that I didn't want to deal with.  For the longest time I would be attracted to males and then those events with my cousin would jump into my head.  It was really hard not to think of these things.  Nowadays, in my forties, it seems to finally be fading away....

Goodwin and Guze's Psychiatric Diagnosis; 6 ed -- PAGE 136:

"In 1950, publication of an article on extreme stress in studies of animals
(186) heralded new approaches to research into neuroendocrine mechanisms
of stress. This study also first introduced the word stress into everyday speech in
reference to psychological experiences (117). More recently, the word trauma
has been used loosely in common parlance to represent anything emotionally
upsetting. Having to give a speech in class, being embarrassed by a colleague’s
comment, and sitting for a difficult examination are examples of emotionally
stressful events popularly labeled ‘‘traumatic.’’ Unfortunately, the use of the
word trauma to describe purely emotionally stressful events has blurred the
distinction between emotional stress and trauma in general usage.

Recent studies have linked PTSD with childhood molestation, depression,
anxiety disorders, borderline personality disorder, somatization disorder, multiple personality disorder, smoking, alcohol and drug abuse, irritable bowel
syndrome, and just about any label/problem/disorder imaginable. The literature
describing the interrelationships of these problems has assumed a causal
role of childhood trauma in the pathogenesis of borderline personality and
PTSD (96), although causal relationships have not been sufficiently documented in these groups.

Page 139:

"Two characteristics of individuals have repeatedly emerged as robust predictors of PTSD: female gender and pre-existing psychopathology. Specifically, pre-existing personality characteristics predict PTSD. Early life history of adversity and chaotic family background, which may occur in association with pre-existing psychopathology, also predict PTSD. These powerful individual predictors of psychopathology may account at least in part for effects previously attributed to exposure to the traumatic event, because of the confounding of pre-existing characteristics that convey risk for trauma as well as for psychopathology following that trauma. Other negative life events occurring after disasters also predict PTSD."

UPDATE:  I have a note from a forum where the psychologist has doubts that the thyroid issues are caused by PSTD; and are more likely inherited.
DB (psychologist on a forum) has just replied to a thread - The Neuroscience of Narcissistic Personality Disorder - in the Narcissistic Personality Disorder forum of Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help  & Mental Health Support Forum.

re is the message that has just been posted:

I don't know. We know that stress weakens the immune system but then again lots of people without traumatic histories have thyroid issues. Probably related more to family genetics than to trauma.
***************

I also asked T about his opinion and here is what he says: 

It’s hard to prove these kinds of links, so you’ll find most experts will punt on the question if put to them.  Given your historical situation, one question that occurs to me is to ask what your mother was taking for drugs when she was pregnant with you and your siblings, given her proclivities.  There are also environmental factors other than stress to be accounted for, but family genetics shouldn’t be ignored.  See the punt?

I have edited this thread because it was really really long and boring, and at the end of the whole thing, my theory went  up in smoke!  lol