DEALING WITH SOCIETY/CULTURE, MOTHER'S DAY & OTHER HOLIDAYS

Got a Great Idea from Beth on my Daughters Recovering from Narcissistic Mothers Facebook Group...

Here are some ideas from members for having a Narcissistic-Free Birthday or Holiday:

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B:
After I separated from my first husband, I was lonely, lost, freaked out, scared, suffering major panic-attacks and PTSD. When the Holidays came it was the first time in many years I didn't have a home to invite anyone to, as ALL of my "friends" picked him to stay friends with. (He was SO awesome, life of the party, everyone loved him!!! He was also a physically and mentally abusive N). Instead of sitting at home and crying ( I was suicidal as well) I volunteered to serve Thanksgiving dinner to travelers in our area, specifically truck drivers who had to work that day. It was AWESOME! Talking to and learning about people I would never see again. Giving and listening to men and women who were missing their families. We were called angels many times that day. I floated home. Getting outside of yourself on special days when you not only feel alone, but maybe really are, and helping others is the only way I've ever found to completely counteract those terrible feelings. My little 2 cents. :)

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A:
It's my birthday! 40 years ago today...! Later today, am going to the Chocolate Bar with a friend. Looking forward to it :-) http://www.thechocolatebarellon.co.uk/chocolate/Welcome.html

I also bought a birthday card for myself and signed it "Love from your internal loving Mother xxx" She also signed Happy Birthday in German, French, Polish and Italian. That woman knows that I love languages even if my natural mother did not.
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Some more links to help sustain you:

 
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.ca/2007/05/mothers-day-and-your-narcissist-mom.html
Anna Valerious
Mother's Day and Your Narcissist Mom


http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.ca/2008/11/holidays-with-narcissists-suck.html
Anna Valerious
Holidays with Narcissists Suck


blog.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/2011/11/27/steer-clear-of-narcissistic-family-dynamics-during-the-holidays.aspx
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Steer Clear of Narcissistic Family Dynamics During the Holidays


http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/narcissistic-mothers-and-society.html
Danu Morrigan
Narcissistic Mothers and Society


http://wrylilt.hubpages.com/hub/Growing-up-without-a-Mother
HubPages
Girls Growing up without a Mother - Mothers Without Mothers


http://hopehealing.wordpress.com/2010/04/30/april-30-2010-mothers-day-survival-guide-how-to-cope-if-you-have-a-narcissistic-mother/
Mother’s Day Survival Guide–How To Cope If You Have a Narcissistic Mother
Elaine D. Sanders, LLC


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201204/when-mother-s-day-hurts
Recognizing, understanding and overcoming the debilitating impact of maternal narcissism.
by Karyl McBride, Ph.D


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201005/mothers-day-and-daughters-trial
Mother's Day and Daughters on Trial
by Karyl McBride, Ph.D.


http://mental-health.families.com/blog/celebrating-mothers-day-when-you-dont-like-your-mom
Celebrating Mother's Day When You Don't Like Your Mom
Beth McHugh


http://www.motherrr.com/help/topics/jealousy/articles/daughtersofnarcissisticmothers
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers - A Painful Psychological Legacy
Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201001/narcissistic-moms-and-holidays
Narcissistic Moms and Holidays
by Karyl McBride, Ph.D.


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201201/are-you-recovering-the-merry-merry-and-the-ho-ho-hos
Are You “Recovering” from the Merry! Merry! And the Ho! Ho! Ho's?
by Karyl McBride, Ph.D.


http://postcardstoanarcissist.wordpress.com/2011/10/27/you-are-not-alone-in-dreading-the-holiday-season/
Postcards to a Narcissist: You’re Not Alone in Dreading the Holiday Season!
by Janet


http://www.narcissismdailymirror.com/2011/11/be-emotionally-prepared-this-holiday.html
Be Emotionally Prepared this Holiday Season
Narcissism Daily Mirror


http://brokentelegraph.com/2011/12/13/holidays-with-the-narcissists-and-what-to-do-about-it/
Holidays with the Narcissists, and What to Do About It
by: Ian Ebright


http://yourlife.usatoday.com/sex-relationships/lifesolutions/post/2011-12-19/having-a-narcissist-for-the-holidays/588559/1
Having a narcissist for the holidays?
By Stacy Kaiser


http://www.luke173ministries.org/564629 The Birthday Party Double Standard- National Holiday vs. Chopped Liver
by Rev. Renee


http://crazysexylife.com/2010/how-to-nurture-yourself-be-your-own-mother/
How to Nurture Yourself & Be Your Own Mother
By Tama J. Kieves
I have had to learn how to mother myself. I love my mother more than ever before, but for many years I felt I got the short end of the umbilical cord. Like many of us, I didn’t get the movie mother — the tireless cheerleader, the fierce cub protector, or the one who listened deeply to all my secret places and saw colors in me that I had yet to see. That mother was on back order when I was placing my cosmic selection. Instead, I got someone who hadn’t read the manual and, I know now, deserved and needed a mother herself.


http://articles.cnn.com/2008-05-13/living/o.build.better.mother_1_biological-mother-ideal-mother-biological-mom?_s=PM%3ALIVING
Create yourself a new mother
By Martha Beck
Unfortunately, motherhood is so difficult that virtually no one does it perfectly. Maybe your mother was flawless, but it's more likely she made mistakes. Whatever her errors, you inherited a legacy of sorrow.


http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-open-yourself-to-love-when-you-didn%E2%80%99t-grow-up-with-it/
How to Open Yourself to Love When You Didn’t Grow Up with It
Lori Deschene; Tiny Buddha Founder
Editor’s Note: This is an anonymous contribution by a woman named Marie
I was always someone that craved love and attention. This is not to say that I accepted love willingly—quite the opposite, in fact.

http://www.faqs.org/childhood/Me-Pa/Mothering-and-Motherhood.html
Mothering and Motherhood: An Essay on various Cultures and Times Regarding Mothering and Motherhood.
KATHLEEN UNO "It is common sense that all mothers love and care for their children. Or at least it is comforting to believe this is true in all times and places. Yet news broadcasts flash crimes such as teenage mothers abandoning infants in restrooms, mothers burning cigarettes into their children's flesh, mothers starving their children to death, and the like. Although this short entry cannot consider motherhood and mothering (the tasks of caring for children) in all times and places, it offers evidence from several eras and continents to suggest historical and cultural variations in motherhood and mothering. In other words, operating on the premise that both motherhood and mothering are socially constructed, this entry looks at how both ideas about what a mother is and should be and ideas about how mothers should care for their children have varied over time and space. It focuses primarily on agricultural and industrial societies of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries. (Some references for continents not covered in the text appear in the bibliography.)"


http://booksellers.penguin.com/static/pdf/pop-pa-days-of-abandonment.pdf
The Days of Abandonment (a study guide novel about an abandonned woman and what happens to her and her children, very pertinent questions...)
by Elena Ferrante
-- this reading group guide has been prepared by Michael Reynolds for Europa Editions
There is an interesting side note on the right of the page, about the author.


http://worldbuildingrules.wordpress.com/2012/05/13/shake-up-your-definition-of-motherhood/
Shake Up Your Definition of Motherhood
Posted by: kshayes513 "These ideas are controversial, because for most of us, the definition of  “motherhood” is built into our worldview like a floor in a house, so integral to our assumptions about the nature of life and the universe, that we never question it until we bash our heads against a definition of motherhood that doesn’t look like ours. Then there’s screaming and flame wars and political meltdowns."

http://www.encyclopedia.com/topic/Motherhood.aspx
Motherhood International Encyclopedia of Marriage and Family