How
many of you lovely ladies are stricken like a deer in the headlights
when your Nmom or other N in your life throws religion at you as a way
to keep you trapped?
It's convenient for the N, when she thinks she has exclusive knowledge on the interpretation of the bible (and everything else, of course)... She can use religion, and pretty much anything else, as a tool to keep you under her control...
Or can she?
Mwahahaha! No! She cannot!
First of all, you are aware (or need to be) that plenty of human beings in the past have used their own interpretations of the bible and other doctrine or beliefs to start wars and to get their way. Just because these people used the bible, it doesn't give them the right to attack another country. If everyone would just listen to the Golden Rule about treating others the way you would like to be treated, we'd all get along a lot better. There is a similar Golden Rule in many many other cultures and ethnic groups, not just in Christianity: http://www.teachingvalues.com/goldenrule.html
Secondly, using the "Thou shalt obey thy mother and father..." Now now now... Hold on there a minute. You are supposed to obey God above your mom and dad. So if mom and dad are telling you to do things against God's law, then you must make an exception. And as you know, an N might think they DO have authority and control over everyone, including God which breaks the first commandments. And Ns lie lie lie lie lie... And pretty much kill you a little bit each day... And covet things that they feel everyone else has and they don't (or they feel entitled to the things other people have)... Need I go on? If a parent is breaking pretty much every single commandment, what right do they have to try to enforce the 10 Commandments on you?
Thirdly, if your parents do dishonorable things and do not accept consequences for their actions, how can children honor that?
Now how about this "Forgive and Forget" thing? The problem is, again, that the N turns this to their advantage. Their own interpretation and twisted idea about forgiveness is not the REAL definition of forgiveness. In an N's mind, you aren't forgiving them, you are excusing their behaviour and therefore saying it's sanctioned by God to excuse them... Ha! Forgiveness is a two way street. The N has the responsibility to NOT hurt the forgiver over and over. However, you will see again and again that this is not the case: an N will rarely admit they were at fault (unless they are trying to pretend in order to lure you back into the dysfunction) and don't feel the need to be forgiven in the first place.
More links here to explain further:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://newhopeoutreach.wordpress.com/related-articles/child-abuse-articles/
New Hope Outreach: How Do I Honor An Abusive Parent?
By Danni Moss
The church teaches “children obey your parents” and “children honor your parents” – but if the issue of domestic violence in marriage is largely invisible in the church, you can bet the issue of honoring an abusive parent is even further off the radar. What do you do when your parent is abusive?
Related link: http://diaryofascapegoat.blogspot.ca/2010/03/issue-of-honoring-ones-parents.html
http://lavistachurchofchrist.org/LVanswers/2010/02-11.html
La Vista Church of Christ Q&A:
Our parents are abusive, ungodly people. I have forgiven them and continue to ask God to help me. My sister says I have to honor them by doing what they want because they are old. She chooses subject herself to their verbal abuse. I struggle to do as God would want. I do not wish to continue to put myself in such a position. Can I still honor them and not physically be around them? I cannot be who God wants me to be when I have to deal with their anger, narcissism, favoritism, and wicked tongues. It cuts like a knife and has never stopped. How do I honor without setting myself up for more hurt? What more can I do besides forgive them and prayer?
http://bible.org/seriespage/boundaries-4-boundaries-family
Boundaries With Family Study By: Sue Bohlin
Susie had a problem that I had seen countless times before. This thirty-year-old woman would return from a visit to her parents' home and suffer a deep depression.
When she described her problem to me, I asked her if she noticed that every time she went home to visit, she came back extremely depressed.
http://www.gotquestions.org/honor-father-mother.html
Question: "What does it mean to honor my father and mother?"
Honoring your father and mother is being respectful in word and action and having an inward attitude of esteem for their position. The Greek word for honor means “to revere, prize, and value.” -- if you read further down it says that if a child's parents do ungodly things or go against God, then the child must choose God over his/her parents...
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.ca/search?q=religion
Narcissists Suck: "From Such Turn Away"
-- by Anna Valerious
"But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!" 2 Tim. 3:1-5 NKJV
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.ca/2007/07/forgiveness.html
Narcissists Suck: Forgiveness
-- by Anna Valerious
The standard panacea unhelpfully offered to those who are struggling with abuse past and present is "forgiveness". It is always assumed that you must "forgive" and all will be healed in your torn up soul. Your emotional wounds will finally close and you'll even be able to invite your abuser over for Christmas dinner next December.
http://www.luke173ministries.org/537996
Is God Really Telling Us To Honor Abusive Parents?
By Rev. Renee Pittelli
This dilemma weighs heavy on the hearts of many children of abusive parents, and abusers and their Silent Partners never miss an opportunity to remind us that, as Christians, we “HAVE to honor our fathers and mothers”, apparently, and according to their thinking, no matter what. Certainly none of us wants to break one of the Ten Commandments. But the idea of rewarding abusers with honor seems completely irrational, and contradictory to just about everything else written in the Bible, where evildoers are never honored, but punished time and again. This is God’s Law of Sowing and Reaping (Galatians 6:7, Job 4:8), that those who do wrong will not benefit from their wickedness, but suffer the Natural Consequences of their actions.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/judith-acosta-lisw-cht/dealing-with-narcissists_b_786512.html
Should You Forgive Narcissists Who've Hurt You?
-- by Judith Acosta
In our dialogue about narcissists and sociopaths, many of you have shared your own stories. The damage people do is sometimes beyond my ken. The wounds they inflict because of thoughtlessness or pure malice can last a lifetime. Some of you wrote about your pain. Some were enraged. Some longed for reconciliation, others for vindication. Some wanted revenge, plain and simple, while others talked about letting go.
How does one proceed after living with or being raised by a narcissist?
There are choices.
http://www.spiritualwisdom.org.uk/forgiveness-spiritual-life.htm
Forgiveness
-- by Alan Misson: Editor of this Spiritual Wisdom website.
‘Forgive and forget’ is a well known saying but in so many situations in life both these things seem practically impossible. Trying to extend forgiveness to people who have hurt us, or those close to us, can cause much anguished heart and conscience searching, particularly to those trying to live a life based on religious beliefs.
http://timthurmansblog.blogspot.ca/2011/09/on-forgiveness-is-there-difference.html
On Forgiveness: Is There A Difference Between Forgiving And Excusing?
-- by Tim Thurman
Should Mel Gibson be forgiven?
When I think of Mel Gibson, many things come to my mind.
I think of the mind blowing, beautiful movie that he produced, The Passion of Christ. I think of him hitting his girlfriend, and telling her that she deserved it. I think of some of his earlier movies, the Lethal Weapon series, which are among my favorites. I think of his drunken anti-Semitic comments that he made.
http://www.durrance.com/FrAl/tract_on_forgiveness.htm
FORGIVENESS IS HEALING FOR OURSELVES
Published by the Order of St. Luke the Physician
Jim Glennon, one of the premier teachers about Christian healing can tell you in a heartbeat the importance of forgiveness to healing. It was through forgiveness over a period of time that enabled him to receive his own healing, and he has shared that revelation with many since that time. I am one of those.
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/2012/01/forgiveness-9-steps-to-releasing-the-burden/
Forgiveness: 9 Steps to Releasing the Burden By Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.
I see it every day. We all hold grudges against other people who we feel have hurt or offended us in some way or another. We even hold these grudges for people who aren’t even alive anymore. We do this with the false idea that somehow we are making them suffer by being hurt and angry with them.
http://elissestuart.wordpress.com/2008/11/06/can-you-truly-forgive-a-narcissist/
Can You Truly Forgive a Narcissist?
- by Elisse Stuart
Sometimes I get my best ideas for a post by using the search engine terms. One of my friends pointed this part of the dashboard out to me when I first started blogging. She said, “Look to see the search engine phrases people use to find your blog…” This phrase was one that caught my attention this week. To whoever…whomever… (?) entered this search term….thank you.
http://www.angelfire.com/zine2/narcissism/healing_from_narcissistic_abuse.html
HEALING FROM NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: FORGIVENESS
-- author unknown
In the aftermath of my encounter with an Internet psychopath or "cyberpath"- a severe form of mental rape along the narcissism continuum, I have puzzled over what "forgiveness" means, in books, and on the Internet. I have been exhorted, in groups, to "forgive", Forgive Or Forfeit Your "Soul". I have not been able to forgive, nor wished to forgive, nor dwelled on forgiveness and I don't think much about it when it comes to psychoguy. My experience is that I suffered an emotional holocaust and a nuclear winter in the aftermath- so why should I even begin to think about things like forgiveness? Why should I consider it at all?
http://www.narcissism101.com/CopingwithNarcissists/forgivenessforna.html
Forgiveness for Narcissists?
-- by Stephan McDonnell
Most people who deal with a Narcissist soon find out they are like the story of Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby - the N leaves his or her sticky tarry fingers on you. Most people can ignore them. Ignore them at your own risk and peril! The N is constantly projecting his sickness onto others. The N projects his or her vision - reality - onto others so that they will mirror the N's inner turmoil. Most Ns are charming. They will manipulate, cajole, compliment you till they feel they have you in their power. What they want is for you to agree with them, then they want you to go along with whatever they say and do.
http://narc-attack.blogspot.ca/2007/12/war-and-peace-with-narcissist.html
What Make Narcissists Tick: War and Peace with the Narcissist
And so, what do you do if you cannot forgive your abuser?
What SHOULD you do? Which party is the obstacle to reconciliation here? You or your abuser?
http://www.masterjules.net/forgive.htm
FORGIVE AND FORGET. OR GRIEVE FOREVER
Today I did a google search on "collecting injustices" a fabulous old psych term Dr. Bergler used to describe people who try to get a negative payoff off blaming some evil doer. They go around grousing about evildoers at the same time sniffing down even imagined slights and virtually collecting a stack of injustices which they repeat zealously to anyone who'll listen!
http://www.sciscoop.com/2005-3-3-41324-14791.html
Narcissistic Personality Disorder And Forgiveness
-- Post by Ricky James
The researchers completed six studies that examined people’s willingness to forgive in a variety of situations, including cases from everyday life in which people were hurt or offended, hypothetical offense situations, and a laboratory-based game situation in which one subject was faced with aggressive behavior by another.
http://positiveenergyguide.com/healing/
Positive Energy Guide: Social Adaption Gone Awry
-- by Being Total
“Being positive” or acting “loving” can be driven by narcissism. Denying wounds drives them deeper and makes them inaccessible to healing or forgiveness.
I am going to say some things about narcissism. Please understand that this discussion is less about the disorder itself than a further commentary on the importance of owning our wounds.
http://socyberty.com/advice/forgiving-is-the-way-to-heal-from-narcissist-abuse/
Forgiving is The Way to Heal From Narcissist Abuse!
We did not deserve narcissistic abuse and we probably have a karmic duty to compensate the perpetrator for the pain and hurt that he so freely impressed up on us. But if we spend most of our time concentrating on the narcissist, on getting even or reconnecting we are affirming his perception of the victim being incapable of creating a life or better life without him.
It's convenient for the N, when she thinks she has exclusive knowledge on the interpretation of the bible (and everything else, of course)... She can use religion, and pretty much anything else, as a tool to keep you under her control...
Or can she?
Mwahahaha! No! She cannot!
First of all, you are aware (or need to be) that plenty of human beings in the past have used their own interpretations of the bible and other doctrine or beliefs to start wars and to get their way. Just because these people used the bible, it doesn't give them the right to attack another country. If everyone would just listen to the Golden Rule about treating others the way you would like to be treated, we'd all get along a lot better. There is a similar Golden Rule in many many other cultures and ethnic groups, not just in Christianity: http://www.teachingvalues.com/goldenrule.html
Secondly, using the "Thou shalt obey thy mother and father..." Now now now... Hold on there a minute. You are supposed to obey God above your mom and dad. So if mom and dad are telling you to do things against God's law, then you must make an exception. And as you know, an N might think they DO have authority and control over everyone, including God which breaks the first commandments. And Ns lie lie lie lie lie... And pretty much kill you a little bit each day... And covet things that they feel everyone else has and they don't (or they feel entitled to the things other people have)... Need I go on? If a parent is breaking pretty much every single commandment, what right do they have to try to enforce the 10 Commandments on you?
Thirdly, if your parents do dishonorable things and do not accept consequences for their actions, how can children honor that?
Now how about this "Forgive and Forget" thing? The problem is, again, that the N turns this to their advantage. Their own interpretation and twisted idea about forgiveness is not the REAL definition of forgiveness. In an N's mind, you aren't forgiving them, you are excusing their behaviour and therefore saying it's sanctioned by God to excuse them... Ha! Forgiveness is a two way street. The N has the responsibility to NOT hurt the forgiver over and over. However, you will see again and again that this is not the case: an N will rarely admit they were at fault (unless they are trying to pretend in order to lure you back into the dysfunction) and don't feel the need to be forgiven in the first place.
More links here to explain further:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://newhopeoutreach.wordpress.com/related-articles/child-abuse-articles/
New Hope Outreach: How Do I Honor An Abusive Parent?
By Danni Moss
The church teaches “children obey your parents” and “children honor your parents” – but if the issue of domestic violence in marriage is largely invisible in the church, you can bet the issue of honoring an abusive parent is even further off the radar. What do you do when your parent is abusive?
Related link: http://diaryofascapegoat.blogspot.ca/2010/03/issue-of-honoring-ones-parents.html
http://lavistachurchofchrist.org/LVanswers/2010/02-11.html
La Vista Church of Christ Q&A:
Our parents are abusive, ungodly people. I have forgiven them and continue to ask God to help me. My sister says I have to honor them by doing what they want because they are old. She chooses subject herself to their verbal abuse. I struggle to do as God would want. I do not wish to continue to put myself in such a position. Can I still honor them and not physically be around them? I cannot be who God wants me to be when I have to deal with their anger, narcissism, favoritism, and wicked tongues. It cuts like a knife and has never stopped. How do I honor without setting myself up for more hurt? What more can I do besides forgive them and prayer?
http://bible.org/seriespage/boundaries-4-boundaries-family
Boundaries With Family Study By: Sue Bohlin
Susie had a problem that I had seen countless times before. This thirty-year-old woman would return from a visit to her parents' home and suffer a deep depression.
When she described her problem to me, I asked her if she noticed that every time she went home to visit, she came back extremely depressed.
http://www.gotquestions.org/honor-father-mother.html
Question: "What does it mean to honor my father and mother?"
Honoring your father and mother is being respectful in word and action and having an inward attitude of esteem for their position. The Greek word for honor means “to revere, prize, and value.” -- if you read further down it says that if a child's parents do ungodly things or go against God, then the child must choose God over his/her parents...
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.ca/search?q=religion
Narcissists Suck: "From Such Turn Away"
-- by Anna Valerious
"But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!" 2 Tim. 3:1-5 NKJV
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.ca/2007/07/forgiveness.html
Narcissists Suck: Forgiveness
-- by Anna Valerious
The standard panacea unhelpfully offered to those who are struggling with abuse past and present is "forgiveness". It is always assumed that you must "forgive" and all will be healed in your torn up soul. Your emotional wounds will finally close and you'll even be able to invite your abuser over for Christmas dinner next December.
http://www.luke173ministries.org/537996
Is God Really Telling Us To Honor Abusive Parents?
By Rev. Renee Pittelli
This dilemma weighs heavy on the hearts of many children of abusive parents, and abusers and their Silent Partners never miss an opportunity to remind us that, as Christians, we “HAVE to honor our fathers and mothers”, apparently, and according to their thinking, no matter what. Certainly none of us wants to break one of the Ten Commandments. But the idea of rewarding abusers with honor seems completely irrational, and contradictory to just about everything else written in the Bible, where evildoers are never honored, but punished time and again. This is God’s Law of Sowing and Reaping (Galatians 6:7, Job 4:8), that those who do wrong will not benefit from their wickedness, but suffer the Natural Consequences of their actions.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/judith-acosta-lisw-cht/dealing-with-narcissists_b_786512.html
Should You Forgive Narcissists Who've Hurt You?
-- by Judith Acosta
In our dialogue about narcissists and sociopaths, many of you have shared your own stories. The damage people do is sometimes beyond my ken. The wounds they inflict because of thoughtlessness or pure malice can last a lifetime. Some of you wrote about your pain. Some were enraged. Some longed for reconciliation, others for vindication. Some wanted revenge, plain and simple, while others talked about letting go.
How does one proceed after living with or being raised by a narcissist?
There are choices.
http://www.spiritualwisdom.org.uk/forgiveness-spiritual-life.htm
Forgiveness
-- by Alan Misson: Editor of this Spiritual Wisdom website.
‘Forgive and forget’ is a well known saying but in so many situations in life both these things seem practically impossible. Trying to extend forgiveness to people who have hurt us, or those close to us, can cause much anguished heart and conscience searching, particularly to those trying to live a life based on religious beliefs.
http://timthurmansblog.blogspot.ca/2011/09/on-forgiveness-is-there-difference.html
On Forgiveness: Is There A Difference Between Forgiving And Excusing?
-- by Tim Thurman
Should Mel Gibson be forgiven?
When I think of Mel Gibson, many things come to my mind.
I think of the mind blowing, beautiful movie that he produced, The Passion of Christ. I think of him hitting his girlfriend, and telling her that she deserved it. I think of some of his earlier movies, the Lethal Weapon series, which are among my favorites. I think of his drunken anti-Semitic comments that he made.
http://www.durrance.com/FrAl/tract_on_forgiveness.htm
FORGIVENESS IS HEALING FOR OURSELVES
Published by the Order of St. Luke the Physician
Jim Glennon, one of the premier teachers about Christian healing can tell you in a heartbeat the importance of forgiveness to healing. It was through forgiveness over a period of time that enabled him to receive his own healing, and he has shared that revelation with many since that time. I am one of those.
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/2012/01/forgiveness-9-steps-to-releasing-the-burden/
Forgiveness: 9 Steps to Releasing the Burden By Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.
I see it every day. We all hold grudges against other people who we feel have hurt or offended us in some way or another. We even hold these grudges for people who aren’t even alive anymore. We do this with the false idea that somehow we are making them suffer by being hurt and angry with them.
http://elissestuart.wordpress.com/2008/11/06/can-you-truly-forgive-a-narcissist/
Can You Truly Forgive a Narcissist?
- by Elisse Stuart
Sometimes I get my best ideas for a post by using the search engine terms. One of my friends pointed this part of the dashboard out to me when I first started blogging. She said, “Look to see the search engine phrases people use to find your blog…” This phrase was one that caught my attention this week. To whoever…whomever… (?) entered this search term….thank you.
http://www.angelfire.com/zine2/narcissism/healing_from_narcissistic_abuse.html
HEALING FROM NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: FORGIVENESS
-- author unknown
In the aftermath of my encounter with an Internet psychopath or "cyberpath"- a severe form of mental rape along the narcissism continuum, I have puzzled over what "forgiveness" means, in books, and on the Internet. I have been exhorted, in groups, to "forgive", Forgive Or Forfeit Your "Soul". I have not been able to forgive, nor wished to forgive, nor dwelled on forgiveness and I don't think much about it when it comes to psychoguy. My experience is that I suffered an emotional holocaust and a nuclear winter in the aftermath- so why should I even begin to think about things like forgiveness? Why should I consider it at all?
http://www.narcissism101.com/CopingwithNarcissists/forgivenessforna.html
Forgiveness for Narcissists?
-- by Stephan McDonnell
Most people who deal with a Narcissist soon find out they are like the story of Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby - the N leaves his or her sticky tarry fingers on you. Most people can ignore them. Ignore them at your own risk and peril! The N is constantly projecting his sickness onto others. The N projects his or her vision - reality - onto others so that they will mirror the N's inner turmoil. Most Ns are charming. They will manipulate, cajole, compliment you till they feel they have you in their power. What they want is for you to agree with them, then they want you to go along with whatever they say and do.
http://narc-attack.blogspot.ca/2007/12/war-and-peace-with-narcissist.html
What Make Narcissists Tick: War and Peace with the Narcissist
And so, what do you do if you cannot forgive your abuser?
What SHOULD you do? Which party is the obstacle to reconciliation here? You or your abuser?
http://www.masterjules.net/forgive.htm
FORGIVE AND FORGET. OR GRIEVE FOREVER
Today I did a google search on "collecting injustices" a fabulous old psych term Dr. Bergler used to describe people who try to get a negative payoff off blaming some evil doer. They go around grousing about evildoers at the same time sniffing down even imagined slights and virtually collecting a stack of injustices which they repeat zealously to anyone who'll listen!
http://www.sciscoop.com/2005-3-3-41324-14791.html
Narcissistic Personality Disorder And Forgiveness
-- Post by Ricky James
The researchers completed six studies that examined people’s willingness to forgive in a variety of situations, including cases from everyday life in which people were hurt or offended, hypothetical offense situations, and a laboratory-based game situation in which one subject was faced with aggressive behavior by another.
http://positiveenergyguide.com/healing/
Positive Energy Guide: Social Adaption Gone Awry
-- by Being Total
“Being positive” or acting “loving” can be driven by narcissism. Denying wounds drives them deeper and makes them inaccessible to healing or forgiveness.
I am going to say some things about narcissism. Please understand that this discussion is less about the disorder itself than a further commentary on the importance of owning our wounds.
http://socyberty.com/advice/forgiving-is-the-way-to-heal-from-narcissist-abuse/
Forgiving is The Way to Heal From Narcissist Abuse!
We did not deserve narcissistic abuse and we probably have a karmic duty to compensate the perpetrator for the pain and hurt that he so freely impressed up on us. But if we spend most of our time concentrating on the narcissist, on getting even or reconnecting we are affirming his perception of the victim being incapable of creating a life or better life without him.
No comments:
Post a Comment