The ultimate goal is healing.
It can be a long road. For one thing you were raised in dysfunction and you had to adapt and change your reality in order to survive in your environment.
What this usually means is that you've had to squash your feelings. You've had to learn to lie low and be passive. You might have had to allow some unreasonably harsh physical or emotional treatment out of fear for your well-being. Your child's mind believed that your mom loved you, so the things she told you must have been true, and there must have been something wrong with you if you felt anger or sadness when she did something to you. You may have had to deny you were human, and tried to be perfect, and tried everything in your power to try to get some love. And worst of all, you may have thought that because your mother (or father) couldn't seem to love you no matter how hard you tried, that you must be unlovable.
There are so many things you need to unlearn and unprogram. How do you do this?
Well this group is one step. You can also study about Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (or whatever they're calling it now), Borderline Personality Disorder, and Psychopathy: knowledge is power. Best if you know what you're up against, and to read up on how to defend yourself. Lots of us have been to and benefited from therapy. Make sure that when you are looking for your therapist that he/she is knowledgeable about personality disorders and dysfunctional families. If your therapist doesn't understand, look for another one. This goes for anyone else: lawyers, police, social services. If you have to give them proof: go to a therapist, get the proof. Show them documentation.
Logically you know you're mom is a Narcissistic person. Logically you know that what's been your messed up life is NOT your fault. The problem is, the logic is on the outside and the emotion is deeper inside. It's a lot harder for your emotional self to fully understand and accept your logical knowledge. It's like an extra thick layer and it takes a longer time for the truth to sink in through all those layers of time and damage and misinformation. That's why therapy (changing the way you think, changing the way you react, reparenting) helps... Relaxation and yoga can help you combat against the anxiety and depression. Assertiveness training or Toastmaster's or involvement in supportive groups or the community will bolster your damaged confidence.
With a support system (yourself, your non-N friends and family, your therapist), you may even find someday that you are strong enough to take a stand. And if the line is crossed, you will feel that you have a right to preserve yourself and your family (especially if you have young children who could be dragged into your Nmom's games and damaged the same way you were)... You will likely find a point in your life that you will feel absolutely no guilt about leaving behind this poisoned relationship. It will be scary at first. It will feel off-balance. Everything will be different - in a good way... But it might take some getting used to. Lean on us and lean on your support system. You can get there. You don't have to stay stuck.
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SELF HELP ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reflections on narcissistic bosses
Posted by: Ben Dattner
http://www.businessweek.com/business_at_work/bad_bosses/archives/2008/06/reflections_on.html
Narcissist Bosses: What Can You Do?
Valerie Cade
http://www.bullyfreeatwork.com/blog/?page_id=27
How to Set Boundaries at Work
by Stever Robbins, author of "Get-It Done Guy's 9 Steps to Work Less and Do More"
http://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/how-to-set-boundaries-at-work.aspx
Setting Boundaries at Work: Steps to Making Them a Reality
Keeping your mind and body in balance at the office
by Dana Gionta
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/occupational-hazards/200901/
Letting go of toxic people (parents, spouses, family, and friends) with honor.
http://dealingwithtoxicpeople.blogspot.ca/2010/04/great-counterfeits-in-land-of.html
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/raising-happiness/201004/the-trouble-motherhood
The Trouble with Motherhood: A challenge to be happier (remembering to mother yourself, too)...
by Christine L. Carter, Ph.D.
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/03/02/motherhood-and-depression/
Motherhood and Depression
By Erika Krull, MS, LMHP
"Let me first say that I’m glad that many many mothers around the world can go about the challenging and rewarding job of parenting without experiencing mental illness. Clearly the majority of mothers can weather the storms without having their boat completely capsize. But the reality is that a modest percentage of mothers do experience depression, excessive anxiety, and other mental illnesses."
http://drbarrybrody.com/articles.html
Dr. Barry Brody, Ph.D. LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist)
Dr. Brody has written a number of articles on family health and forensic mental health, and these articles are now available for your reference.
Links to Help You Keep Positive http://www.positivelypresent.com/
http://inquiryinstitute.com/CM.pdf
Choice Map Use the Choice Map™ as a powerful tool for getting better results. It’s simple and it works!
Can't Change Someone? 5 Tips to Change How You React
By Maria Mooney
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4440/Cant-Change-Someone-5-Tips-to-Change-How-You-React.html
How to Stop Attracting and/or Allowing Abuse from a Narcissist http://joyfulalivewoman.wordpress.com/2011/02/26/how-to-stop-attracting-narcissistic-abuse/
Letting Go of Shitty Relationships
Written by Joshua Fields Millburn
http://www.theminimalists.com/relationships/
What Does a Normal, Healthy Relationship Look Like?
an article by A. Skorupa-Myers
http://themothtotheflame.wordpress.com/2011/10/11/what-do-normal-relationships-look-like/
http://voices.yahoo.com/how-soothe-yourself-through-traumatic-flashbacks-633357.html?cat=72
How to Soothe Yourself Through Traumatic Flashbacks
by Faith Allen
Many adult survivors of childhood abuse struggle with flashbacks. When I first heard about flashbacks, it was in the context of war veterans who would "relive" the trauma of being in battle. I was surprised when I started having flashbacks of my traumatic childhood.
http://www.pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm
Flashbask Management in Treatment of Complex PTSD
by Pete Walker, M.A
A significant percentage of adults who suffered ongoing abuse or neglect in childhood suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. One of the most difficult features of this type of PTSD is extreme susceptibility to painful emotional flashbacks. Emotional flashbacks are sudden and often prolonged regressions ('amygdala hijackings') to the frightening circumstances of childhood. They are typically experienced as intense and confusing episodes of fear and/or despair - or as sorrowful and/or enraged reactions to this fear and despair.
http://crazysexylife.com/2010/how-to-nurture-yourself-be-your-own-mother/
How to Nurture Yourself & Be Your Own Mother
By Tama J. Kieves
I have had to learn how to mother myself. I love my mother more than ever before, but for many years I felt I got the short end of the umbilical cord. Like many of us, I didn’t get the movie mother — the tireless cheerleader, the fierce cub protector, or the one who listened deeply to all my secret places and saw colors in me that I had yet to see. That mother was on back order when I was placing my cosmic selection. Instead, I got someone who hadn’t read the manual and, I know now, deserved and needed a mother herself.
http://articles.cnn.com/2008-05-13/living/
Create yourself a new mother
By Martha Beck
Unfortunately, motherhood is so difficult that virtually no one does it perfectly. Maybe your mother was flawless, but it's more likely she made mistakes. Whatever her errors, you inherited a legacy of sorrow.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-open-yourself-to-love-when-you-didn%E2%80%99t-grow-up-with-it/
How to Open Yourself to Love When You Didn’t Grow Up with It
Lori Deschene; Tiny Buddha Founder
Editor’s Note: This is an anonymous contribution by a woman named Marie
I was always someone that craved love and attention. This is not to say that I accepted love willingly—quite the opposite, in fact.
http://www.friedgreentomatoes.org/articles/emotional_manipulation.php
Eight Ways to Spot Emotional Manipulation
Emotional Manipulation is Also "Covert Aggression." See: "Psychopaths: Wolves in Sheep's Clothing" Here is a list adapted from an article by Fiona McColl...
http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/page17.htm
Relationship Warning Signs
from various contributors...
Once physical abuse has occurred, it is likely to occur again and to escalate over time. You cannot change your partner's behavior. You can only change yourself. It is not necessary to stay in a relationship of fear. You have the right to choose how you wish to live.
http://www.familycenterweb.org/index.php/ask-the-experts/42-all/246-coping-with-your-enmeshed-family
Coping with Your Enmeshed Family
Ask the Experts by Marla K. Ruhana, LMSW
Many of us come from enmeshed families in which the boundaries are skewed and all members are a part of the pie, so to speak, as opposed to individual slices within the pie. Members of these families look to one another for insight regarding who they are becoming, as opposed to looking within.
http://soulselfhelp.on.ca/coenmesh.html
Enmeshment, Codependency, and Collusion
by A.J. Mahari's Life Coaching Services
The term enmeshment has been widely used in the family therapy literature since it was popularized by the work of Salvador Minuchin Salvador Minuchin (1978) ("Psychosomatic Families: Anorexia Nervosa in Context. Cambridge, MA : Harvard University Press.")
http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=289
Why Do I Feel Bad?
BY DR. NEIL FIORE
If you've ever wondered why you sometimes feel bad, guilty, or depressed? Keep reading. Deep-rooted reasons may shed light on your feelings.
http://narc-attack.blogspot.ca/2006/04/be-yourself-not-what-narcissist-tries.html
Be yourself, not what the narcissist tries to make you... I use quotations on my tennis Website, which is huge. So I was scrounging around the Web for more today when I found one for readers of this blog. When you live or work with with a narcissist, he or she is trying to make you what they say you are. By Projective Identification.
http://www.positivecoachinginstitute.com/assessing-your-strengths
Positive Coaching Institute: Strengths and Virtues
Over a decade ago, Martin Seligman and several of his colleagues set about to create positive psychology’s answer to the DSM, psychiatry’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
http://www.psychsight.com/ar-shame.html
Healing Shame: Understanding How Shame Binds Us and How to Begin to Free Ourselves
by Robert D. Caldwell, M.Div. Shame is the inner experience of being "not wanted." It is feeling worthless, rejected, cast-out. Guilt is believing that one has done something bad; shame is believing that one is bad. Shame is believing that one is not loved because one is not lovable. Shame always carries with it the sense that there is nothing one can do to purge its burdensome and toxic presence.
http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/
30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself
by Marc and Angel
As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back. http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/18/30-things-to-start-doing-for-yourself/ -- 30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself
http://home.acceleration.net/clark/COOL938/Email.Essays/Handling.Anger.html
Handling Anger Assertively
By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. The emotion we call "anger" is a natural response to frustration, pain, loss or neediness. It may also occur out of "old habit" or imitation of an angry parent. Anger is what we label the biochemical/physiological response we experience when our wants and needs are not met, when we are blocked from pursuing our goals, when we are hurting either physically or emotionally, or when we have experienced a loss of some kind. Anger is a natural emotion and a powerful energizer.
http://www.mtstcil.org/skills/assert-2.html
What is Assertiveness and Why be Assertive?
by the Center for Independent Learning
TO ASSERT -- To state an opinion, claim a right, or establish authority. If you assert yourself, you behave in a way that expresses your confidence, importance or power and earns you respect from others. - From the Oxford English Dictionary
Assertiveness is standing up for your right to be treated fairly. It is expressing your opinions, needs, and feelings, without ignoring or hurting the opinions, needs, and feelings of others.
http://cmhc.utexas.edu/booklets/assert/assertive.html
What is being assertive?
by the University of Texas Counseling and Mental Health Centre
Standing up for your rights and not being taken advantage of is one definition of being assertive.
It also means communicating what you really want in a clear fashion, respecting your own rights and feelings and the rights and feelings of others.
Assertion is an honest and appropriate expression of one's feelings, opinions, and needs.
It takes self-analysis, and then practice, but the results are worth it.
http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-be-assertive
How To Be Assertive
by videojug Learn how to take control of your life by effectively communicating with others. Confrontation doesn't have to be unpleasant; it can be a vehicle in which you get to broadcast your feelings and thoughts to someone, if done properly.
http://www.itstime.com/mar99.htm#tips1
Dealing with Difficult People
What makes people "difficult"? Usually, the difficult person is someone who is working from the negative side of their personality, rather than a conscious desire to be difficult. The person is often unaware of themselves and how they affect others. They also don't realize how harmful their actions are to their own career success.
http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/sitemap.html
Sitemap: child-abuse-effects.com
Looking for a specific page? This sitemap categorizes and displays links to pages of child-abuse-effects.com for your convenience and edification.
http://media.wiley.com/product_data/excerpt/09/04700110/0470011009.pdf
EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT
Children, young people, or adults who suffered some form of abuse in the
past, always refer to emotional hurt and psychological pain before
mentioning physical pain. Almost without exception, victims of abuse will
talk about fear, anxiety, loneliness, emotional lack of support, and being
ignored, degraded and humiliated, feeling unloved and unwanted, and being powerless when terrorised or tormented by parents or carers.
http://www.sagepub.com/upm-data/8745_KellowayCh6.pdf
Workplace Emotional Abuse
by Loraleigh Keashly & Steve Harvey
Just before leaving for the weekend, George answers a call on the help line and
quickly realizes it’s from Mr. French, who’s always got a problem late in the day. His
computer’s crashed again, he informs George, and this time he demands to talk to
somebody competent!
http://www.preventchildabuse.org/advocacy/downloads/emotional_abuse.pdf
Preventing Child Emotional Abuse
Child emotional abuse is a misunderstood, insidious, and psychologically
damaging form of child maltreatment, which can lead to low self-esteem,
anxiety, depression, and self-destructive behavior.
http://www.aifs.gov.au/nch/pubs/issues/issues8/issues8.html
Issues in Child Abuse Prevention
Emotional Abuse: the hidden form of maltreatment
by Adam M Tomison and Joe Tucci
The foundations for good mental health are laid down in the emotional development that occurs in infancy and later childhood and appears to be dependent upon the quality and frequency of response to an infant or child from a parent or primary caregiver (O'Hagan 1993; Oates 1996). The parental response to the infant's emotions or expressive behaviours usually results in the formation of an attachment bond between the two. This bond develops in the early months and years of life, and is closely linked to the behavioural response of the parent and the ongoing cycle of parent-child interaction.
http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/index-eng.php
National Clearinghouse on Family Violence
by the Public Health Agency of Canada E-Bulletins, Resources, Best Practices, Find Support
http://www.camh.net/About_Addiction_Mental_Health/Mental_Health_Information/women_recognize_trauma.html
Women: What do these signs have in common? Recognizing the effects of abuse-related trauma
by the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health
Trauma is a normal response to being abused. Many children survive abuse by developing ways of coping that last into adulthood. Abuse-related trauma can develop after a person has been hurt and/or neglected, usually in childhood. Common effects of trauma...
http://www.lisaescott.com/2012/01/19/key-recovering-narcissist
The Key to Recovering from a Narcissist
by Lisa E. Scott
The key to recovering from a narcissist is to find ourselves again. We must start having some self-compassion for ourselves for a change. We have an abundance of compassion for others, which is why the narcissist targeted us, but we never share any of it with ourselves!
http://clearreflectioncoaching.com/emotional-advocacy
Emotional Advocacy
by Elaine Le Joie The hardest but most essential skill for an Empath to master is boundaries on the emotional plane with others. Empaths, who are highly developed at processing emotional energy, especially for others, naturally take the emotional energy of the people in their environment on themselves. When we are in relationship with dissociated people, their unwanted emotional energy feels like our own energy, and we must make ourselves feel better by processing it for them. The Empath becomes the advocate or the defender of the dissociated person.
http://www.nomadjournaltrips.com/journal_writing
Journal Writing
Journal writing is known to be beneficial on a practical and therapeutic level. We think so highly of journal writing, we built our entire company around it!
http://www.createwritenow.com/
JOURNAL WRITING: THE PLANET'S BEST SELF-DISCOVERY TOOL
by Mari L. McCarthy
When You start and keep a daily Journaling for the Self of It™ practice, You discover who You really are, You heal your psychophysical wounds and create the life You desperately desire to live!
http://www.journaltherapy.com/rosen.htm
A Brief History of Journal Therapy
by Kathleen Adams Journal Therapy is the act of writing down thoughts and feelings to sort through problems and come to deeper understandings of oneself or the issues in one's life. Unlike traditional diary writing, where daily events and happenings are recorded from an exterior point of view, journal therapy focuses on the writer's internal experiences, reactions, and perceptions. Through this act of literally reading his or her own mind, the writer is able to perceive experiences more clearly and thus feels a relief of tension. This has been shown to have mental and physical health benefits.
Contributed by member Krista Michelle Schaffner
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201204/
Recognizing, understanding and overcoming the debilitating impact of maternal narcissism. by Karyl McBride, Ph.D.
Having studied mother-daughter connections for twenty years, as well as writing about maternal narcissism, I find a misnomer that keeps rearing its unexpected head. Mother’s Day is approaching and this time of year discussions about mothers explode, but of course the roaring voices describing maternal narcissism are hushed to the background. We hear the praise and celebrations about good mothering, but simultaneously the complete stillness and silence about inadequate mothering.
http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm
Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self
The Web Site of Robert Burney
The process of Recovery teaches us how to take down the walls and protect ourselves in healthy ways - by learning what healthy boundaries are, how to set them, and how to defend them. It teaches us to be discerning in our choices, to ask for what we need, and to be assertive and Loving in meeting our own needs. (Of course many of us have to first get used to the revolutionary idea that it is all right for us to have needs.)
(quotes from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls)
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/setting-boundaries.htm
Personal Boundaries in Relationships: Stop Saying 'Yes' When You Mean 'No'
by Melanie Tonia Evans
Boundaries define who we are. They establish ‘what is me’ and ‘what isn’t me.’
http://www.cbn.com/family/familyadvice/Hawkins_BetterBoundaries.aspx
Set Boundaries for a Better Relationship
Dr. David Hawkins -The Relationship Doctor
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14688-establishing-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships/
Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
By Jake Lawson
People with low self-esteem have their major difficulties in relationships with others. This is because they are unable to establish healthy boundaries or limits with people. The reason, for this inability, is that with low self-esteem comes a variety of irrational thoughts, emotions and actions which leads people to lose themselves in relationships with others.
I can think of no more important skill to help us relate in a healthy way than setting boundaries. You can learn healthy communication skills, and that will help. You can learn how to manage conflict—that will be of tremendous value. You can learn to pray and laugh together, and that certainly will have powerful results. But, if you don’t know how to define and maintain your personal and relational boundaries, you’ll be in serious trouble. That was the topic of my last article, concerning living with paper fences.
http://askjan.hubpages.com/hub/Relationship-advice-how-to-set-boundaries-tips-from-a-therapist
Relationship advice-how to set boundaries-tips from a therapist
By Ask Jan Is your relationship in trouble because of poor boundaries or no boundaries at all? Boundaries are like a line we draw in the sand - a line not to be crossed. Boundaries help protect us from verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse physical space, and protect us from negative influences. Boundaries also help us to get our needs met.
http://www.mkprojects.com/fa_emotions.html
How To Understand, Identify Release Your Emotions.
By Mary Kurus
http://outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/Boundaries.html
Boundaries
Out of the FOG (FOG stands for Fear, Obligation, Guilt)
http://n-continuum.blogspot.ca/2010/01/narcissists-push-boundaries.html
Narcissists Push Boundaries
Sandra Brown
http://graceformyheart.wordpress.com/2012/03/02/boundaries/
Boundaries: Grace For My Heart
Dave Orrison
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.ca/2008/03/angry-with-narcissist-read-on.html
Angry with a Narcissist?
Anna Valerious
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-stop-being-a-victim-and-start-creating-your-life/
How to Stop Being a Victim and Start Creating Your Life
contribution by Harriet Cabelly
http://www.realpsychology.com/content/gps-parents-and-teachers/how-stop-being-a-victim
How to Stop Being a Victim
Real Psychology
http://kathleenruth.wordpress.com/2011/02/08/how-to-stop-being-a-victim-finding-and-using-your-own-power/
How To Stop Being A Victim: Finding And Using Your Own Power
Posted by: Ruth
http://sidawson.org/2011/05/how-to-stop-being-a-victim-and-regain-your-power.html
How To Stop Being A Victim And Regain Your Power
by Si Dawson
http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2011/01/how_to_manage_your_energy.html
How to Stop Being a Victim of Your Own Life
Douglas R. Conant
http://www.ratracetrap.com/the-rat-race-trap/stop-being-the-victim.html
Stop Being the Victim
by Stephen Mills
http://christinekane.com/stop-being-the-victim-you%E2%80%99re-more-powerful-than-that/
Stop Being the Victim (You’re More Powerful than That!)
Written by Christine Kane
http://shankman.com/how-to-avoid-being-a-victim-anywhere-any-time/
How To Avoid Being A Victim, Anywhere, Any time.
PETER SHANKMAN
http://dailysignsofhope.com/?p=445
Stop Playing the Victim
by Michael Clark
http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2009/10/09/
How to Break Out of a Victim Mentality: 7 Powerful Tips
by Henrik Edberg
http://beverly-hill.suite101.com/victim-no-more-a47165
Stop Being a Victim & Take Control of Your Life
by Beverly Hill
http://goodpal.hubpages.com/hub/Stop-Being-a-Victim-of-Mental-Chatter
How to Stop Being a Victim of Your Mental Chatter
by GoodPal
http://www.mtoomey.com/SeniorStopBeingVictim.html
How to Stop Being A Victim by Using the Power of Words
Michele Toomey, PhD
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200901/how-avoid-being-victim
Psychology Today: Here to Help -- How to Avoid Being a Victim
By Chuck Hustmyre, Jay Dixit
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/how-to-stop-being-a-victim
How to stop being a victim?
By Morty Lefkoe
http://narc-attack.blogspot.ca/2008/04/blaming-victim-of-narcissism.html
Blaming the Victim of Narcissism
by Kathy (What Makes Narcissists Tick)
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-white-knight-syndrome
The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself From Your Need to Rescue Others
by Mary Lamia and Marilyn Krieger
http://blog.theartofchange.com/persuasion/dealing-with-difficult-people/
How To Stop Being Manipulated by Narcissists
by Dr. Rick Kirschner
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lindsey-mead-russell/
10 Things I Want My Daughter To Know Before She Turns 10 (Contributed by Melissa Bolton): apply these things to yourselves and your children... Just in case you missed out yourself, be your own mother.
by Lindsey Mead Russell
http://www.kristinnoelle.com/2012/03/21/8-things-i-believe/
On Trust And Fear: 8 Things I Believe (Contributed from Melissa Bolton)
with Kristin Noelle
http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/
The Most Powerful Thing About You
Some helpful stuff from some dude I can't find the name of, but it might be Dan
http://upsi-upsi.blogspot.ca/
Info from an ACON (Adult Child of Narcissist)...
Common problems, FLEAS, etc
(by Upsi) You Don't Have To Dance For Them
http://lifelightloveafternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/darkness/
Light, Life, Love & Laughter after npd Abuse
Lie Down With Dogs & You’re Bound to Get Fleas
http://www.narcissism101.com/Beginning/wisewoman.html
Wise Woman: Sometimes you need help, but be careful who helps you!
A unique take on Fleas: learned behaviour
http://voxxi.com/how-to-deal-with-criticism-about-your-body-mujer-voxpopuli/
How to deal with criticism about your body
By Rosie Molinary/VOXXI Mujer
When someone comments about your physicality, it is never about you. It is about her, about the story she has told herself about her appearance, about the narrative she is choosing to live.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/family/the-curse-of-a-mean-mother/article1328427/
The curse of a mean mother
Sarah Boesveld
While every human being is wired to love and care for other human beings, moms aren't necessarily hard-wired to love their children, she adds. This deems “a mother's love” a myth, says Andrea O'Reilly, director of the Association for Research on Mothering at York University.
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/01/20/why-ruminating-is-unhealthy-and-how-to-stop/
Why Ruminating is Unhealthy and How to Stop
By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.
http://www.intropsych.com/ch13_therapies/ten_irrational_ideas.html
Ten Irrational Ideas
Dr. Dewey/Albert Ellis
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/overcoming-self-sabotage/201002/rumination-problem-solving-gone-wrong
Overcoming Self-Sabotage: How to understand and regulate destructive behaviors.
by Eddie Selby
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/test-case/201012/why-do-we-ruminate
Why Do We Ruminate? The functions rumination serves...
Melissa Kirk
http://www.psychotherapybrownbag.com/psychotherapy_brown_bag_a/rumination/
Thinking it through: How cognitive responses to emotions impact our vulnerability to stress, anxiety, and worry
Mike Anestis is a doctoral candidate in the clinical psychology department at Florida State University
http://www.ehow.com/facts_5007026_depressive-rumination-nature-theory-treatment.html
Depressive Rumination: Nature, Theory and Treatment
By Carolyn Lawrence
http://www.psychologytools.org/
Rumination Focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Psychology Tools -- by Professor Ed Watkins, etc
http://www.apa.org/monitor/nov05/cycle.aspx
Probing the depression-rumination cycle: Why chewing on problems just makes them harder to swallow.
By BRIDGET MURRAY LAW
http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/video/facebook-users-ruminating-or-savoring.html
Facebook Users: Ruminating or Savoring?
Association for Psychological Science
http://www.psychology-solution.com/anxiety/stop-worrying
How to Stop Worrying
Psychology Solution
THERE’S A BIG DIFFERENCE between problem solving and needless worrying, or ruminating.
http://markwestman.blogspot.ca/2009/08/stop-awfulizing-musturbating-and.html
Stop Awfulizing, Musturbating, and Shoulding Yourself!
Mark on his Random Enlightenment Blog
http://coachdeanhebert.wordpress.com/2007/07/28/do-you-rebound-or-awfulize/
Do you rebound or awfulize?
The Running World According to Dean
http://ponderabout.com/archives/1530/awfulizing.aspx
Awfulizing
by PonderAbout
http://www.lgcplus.com/lgc-news/what-is-awfulize/1542807.article
What is 'awfulize'?
Local Government Chronicle
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/03/01/proof-positive-counting-your-blessings/
Proof Positive: Counting Your Blessings
By Daniel Tomasulo, Ph.D.
http://www.talkaboutsleep.com/sleep-disorders/archives/
Using Cognitive Restructuring Techniques To Minimize The Effects of Stress On Sleep
By Dr. Gregg D. Jacobs
http://www.psychologylounge.com/2007/11/05/how-anger-works-the-sap-model-part-1/
How Anger Works: The SAP Model ™ (Part 1)
Dr. Andrew Gottlieb is a clinical psychologist in Palo Alto, California. Dr. Gottlieb specializes in treating anxiety, depression, relationship problems, and other difficulties using evidence-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is a modern no-drug therapy approach that is targeted, skill-based, and proven effective by many research studies.
How to Stop Anger in its Tracks: Applying the SAP™ Model in Three Easy Steps (Part 2)
http://www.psychologylounge.com/2007/11/23/
http://overcomingsexualabuse.com/2012/05/24/blamed-myself-since-i-didnt-tell/
I Blamed Myself For My Abuse Since I Didn’t Tell
Christina Enevoldsen
When I finally acknowledged that I didn’t have power or choices when I was a child, I was released from guilt and blame so I could be empowered now. I can’t change the past, but I’m very capable of healing from it.
http://www.lightshouse.org/try-someone-else.html#axzz1yLC7YuLk
How to Stop Being The Scapegoat at Home, Work , Friendships and Relationsips
http://thelegendarynarcissist.com/can-children-of-narcissist-parents-ever-recover-dragon-heart/
Can the Adult Children of Narcissist parents Ever Recover? (Yes)
http://thelegendarynarcissist.com/can-children-of-narcissist-parents-ever-recover-dragon-heart/
Can Children of Narcissist Parents Ever Recover? YES, you can recover from NPD Parents!
First of all you need to learn about recovery and what recovery really is.
There is 12 step recovery and then there is therapy and then there is Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT or "Tapping" is a technique to relieve emotional disstress and clear the issues that are stuck), and there is the Recovery Model in the mental health field.
Read More from The Legendary Narcissist: Can Children of Narcissist Parents Ever Recover? | The Legendary Narcissist
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution No Derivatives
by Dragon Heart
http://thecurrentconscience.com/blog/2011/09/12/
A Message To Women From A Man: You Are Not “Crazy”
We will be soon releasing our first short e-book, entitled, A Message To Women From A Man: You Are Not Crazy — How We Teach Men That Women Are Crazy and How We Convince Women To Ignore Their Instincts.
--Yashar Ali is a Los Angeles-based columnist, commentator, and political veteran whose writing is showcased on The Current Conscience.
(Contributed by Melissa Bolton)
http://ticklestogiggles.blogspot.ca/2010/05/my-birthday-was-awesome.html
Random Acts of Kindness
from the Blogger "What a Ride"
It can be a long road. For one thing you were raised in dysfunction and you had to adapt and change your reality in order to survive in your environment.
What this usually means is that you've had to squash your feelings. You've had to learn to lie low and be passive. You might have had to allow some unreasonably harsh physical or emotional treatment out of fear for your well-being. Your child's mind believed that your mom loved you, so the things she told you must have been true, and there must have been something wrong with you if you felt anger or sadness when she did something to you. You may have had to deny you were human, and tried to be perfect, and tried everything in your power to try to get some love. And worst of all, you may have thought that because your mother (or father) couldn't seem to love you no matter how hard you tried, that you must be unlovable.
There are so many things you need to unlearn and unprogram. How do you do this?
Well this group is one step. You can also study about Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (or whatever they're calling it now), Borderline Personality Disorder, and Psychopathy: knowledge is power. Best if you know what you're up against, and to read up on how to defend yourself. Lots of us have been to and benefited from therapy. Make sure that when you are looking for your therapist that he/she is knowledgeable about personality disorders and dysfunctional families. If your therapist doesn't understand, look for another one. This goes for anyone else: lawyers, police, social services. If you have to give them proof: go to a therapist, get the proof. Show them documentation.
Logically you know you're mom is a Narcissistic person. Logically you know that what's been your messed up life is NOT your fault. The problem is, the logic is on the outside and the emotion is deeper inside. It's a lot harder for your emotional self to fully understand and accept your logical knowledge. It's like an extra thick layer and it takes a longer time for the truth to sink in through all those layers of time and damage and misinformation. That's why therapy (changing the way you think, changing the way you react, reparenting) helps... Relaxation and yoga can help you combat against the anxiety and depression. Assertiveness training or Toastmaster's or involvement in supportive groups or the community will bolster your damaged confidence.
With a support system (yourself, your non-N friends and family, your therapist), you may even find someday that you are strong enough to take a stand. And if the line is crossed, you will feel that you have a right to preserve yourself and your family (especially if you have young children who could be dragged into your Nmom's games and damaged the same way you were)... You will likely find a point in your life that you will feel absolutely no guilt about leaving behind this poisoned relationship. It will be scary at first. It will feel off-balance. Everything will be different - in a good way... But it might take some getting used to. Lean on us and lean on your support system. You can get there. You don't have to stay stuck.
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SELF HELP ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reflections on narcissistic bosses
Posted by: Ben Dattner
http://www.businessweek.com/business_at_work/bad_bosses/archives/2008/06/reflections_on.html
Narcissist Bosses: What Can You Do?
Valerie Cade
http://www.bullyfreeatwork.com/blog/?page_id=27
How to Set Boundaries at Work
by Stever Robbins, author of "Get-It Done Guy's 9 Steps to Work Less and Do More"
http://getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com/how-to-set-boundaries-at-work.aspx
Setting Boundaries at Work: Steps to Making Them a Reality
Keeping your mind and body in balance at the office
by Dana Gionta
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/occupational-hazards/200901/
Letting go of toxic people (parents, spouses, family, and friends) with honor.
http://dealingwithtoxicpeople.blogspot.ca/2010/04/great-counterfeits-in-land-of.html
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/raising-happiness/201004/the-trouble-motherhood
The Trouble with Motherhood: A challenge to be happier (remembering to mother yourself, too)...
by Christine L. Carter, Ph.D.
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/03/02/motherhood-and-depression/
Motherhood and Depression
By Erika Krull, MS, LMHP
"Let me first say that I’m glad that many many mothers around the world can go about the challenging and rewarding job of parenting without experiencing mental illness. Clearly the majority of mothers can weather the storms without having their boat completely capsize. But the reality is that a modest percentage of mothers do experience depression, excessive anxiety, and other mental illnesses."
http://drbarrybrody.com/articles.html
Dr. Barry Brody, Ph.D. LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist)
Dr. Brody has written a number of articles on family health and forensic mental health, and these articles are now available for your reference.
Links to Help You Keep Positive http://www.positivelypresent.com/
http://inquiryinstitute.com/CM.pdf
Choice Map Use the Choice Map™ as a powerful tool for getting better results. It’s simple and it works!
Can't Change Someone? 5 Tips to Change How You React
By Maria Mooney
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4440/Cant-Change-Someone-5-Tips-to-Change-How-You-React.html
How to Stop Attracting and/or Allowing Abuse from a Narcissist http://joyfulalivewoman.wordpress.com/2011/02/26/how-to-stop-attracting-narcissistic-abuse/
Letting Go of Shitty Relationships
Written by Joshua Fields Millburn
http://www.theminimalists.com/relationships/
What Does a Normal, Healthy Relationship Look Like?
an article by A. Skorupa-Myers
http://themothtotheflame.wordpress.com/2011/10/11/what-do-normal-relationships-look-like/
http://voices.yahoo.com/how-soothe-yourself-through-traumatic-flashbacks-633357.html?cat=72
How to Soothe Yourself Through Traumatic Flashbacks
by Faith Allen
Many adult survivors of childhood abuse struggle with flashbacks. When I first heard about flashbacks, it was in the context of war veterans who would "relive" the trauma of being in battle. I was surprised when I started having flashbacks of my traumatic childhood.
http://www.pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm
Flashbask Management in Treatment of Complex PTSD
by Pete Walker, M.A
A significant percentage of adults who suffered ongoing abuse or neglect in childhood suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. One of the most difficult features of this type of PTSD is extreme susceptibility to painful emotional flashbacks. Emotional flashbacks are sudden and often prolonged regressions ('amygdala hijackings') to the frightening circumstances of childhood. They are typically experienced as intense and confusing episodes of fear and/or despair - or as sorrowful and/or enraged reactions to this fear and despair.
http://crazysexylife.com/2010/how-to-nurture-yourself-be-your-own-mother/
How to Nurture Yourself & Be Your Own Mother
By Tama J. Kieves
I have had to learn how to mother myself. I love my mother more than ever before, but for many years I felt I got the short end of the umbilical cord. Like many of us, I didn’t get the movie mother — the tireless cheerleader, the fierce cub protector, or the one who listened deeply to all my secret places and saw colors in me that I had yet to see. That mother was on back order when I was placing my cosmic selection. Instead, I got someone who hadn’t read the manual and, I know now, deserved and needed a mother herself.
http://articles.cnn.com/2008-05-13/living/
Create yourself a new mother
By Martha Beck
Unfortunately, motherhood is so difficult that virtually no one does it perfectly. Maybe your mother was flawless, but it's more likely she made mistakes. Whatever her errors, you inherited a legacy of sorrow.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-open-yourself-to-love-when-you-didn%E2%80%99t-grow-up-with-it/
How to Open Yourself to Love When You Didn’t Grow Up with It
Lori Deschene; Tiny Buddha Founder
Editor’s Note: This is an anonymous contribution by a woman named Marie
I was always someone that craved love and attention. This is not to say that I accepted love willingly—quite the opposite, in fact.
http://www.friedgreentomatoes.org/articles/emotional_manipulation.php
Eight Ways to Spot Emotional Manipulation
Emotional Manipulation is Also "Covert Aggression." See: "Psychopaths: Wolves in Sheep's Clothing" Here is a list adapted from an article by Fiona McColl...
http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/page17.htm
Relationship Warning Signs
from various contributors...
Once physical abuse has occurred, it is likely to occur again and to escalate over time. You cannot change your partner's behavior. You can only change yourself. It is not necessary to stay in a relationship of fear. You have the right to choose how you wish to live.
http://www.familycenterweb.org/index.php/ask-the-experts/42-all/246-coping-with-your-enmeshed-family
Coping with Your Enmeshed Family
Ask the Experts by Marla K. Ruhana, LMSW
Many of us come from enmeshed families in which the boundaries are skewed and all members are a part of the pie, so to speak, as opposed to individual slices within the pie. Members of these families look to one another for insight regarding who they are becoming, as opposed to looking within.
http://soulselfhelp.on.ca/coenmesh.html
Enmeshment, Codependency, and Collusion
by A.J. Mahari's Life Coaching Services
The term enmeshment has been widely used in the family therapy literature since it was popularized by the work of Salvador Minuchin Salvador Minuchin (1978) ("Psychosomatic Families: Anorexia Nervosa in Context. Cambridge, MA : Harvard University Press.")
http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=289
Why Do I Feel Bad?
BY DR. NEIL FIORE
If you've ever wondered why you sometimes feel bad, guilty, or depressed? Keep reading. Deep-rooted reasons may shed light on your feelings.
http://narc-attack.blogspot.ca/2006/04/be-yourself-not-what-narcissist-tries.html
Be yourself, not what the narcissist tries to make you... I use quotations on my tennis Website, which is huge. So I was scrounging around the Web for more today when I found one for readers of this blog. When you live or work with with a narcissist, he or she is trying to make you what they say you are. By Projective Identification.
http://www.positivecoachinginstitute.com/assessing-your-strengths
Positive Coaching Institute: Strengths and Virtues
Over a decade ago, Martin Seligman and several of his colleagues set about to create positive psychology’s answer to the DSM, psychiatry’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
http://www.psychsight.com/ar-shame.html
Healing Shame: Understanding How Shame Binds Us and How to Begin to Free Ourselves
by Robert D. Caldwell, M.Div. Shame is the inner experience of being "not wanted." It is feeling worthless, rejected, cast-out. Guilt is believing that one has done something bad; shame is believing that one is bad. Shame is believing that one is not loved because one is not lovable. Shame always carries with it the sense that there is nothing one can do to purge its burdensome and toxic presence.
http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/
30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself
by Marc and Angel
As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back. http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/18/30-things-to-start-doing-for-yourself/ -- 30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself
http://home.acceleration.net/clark/COOL938/Email.Essays/Handling.Anger.html
Handling Anger Assertively
By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. The emotion we call "anger" is a natural response to frustration, pain, loss or neediness. It may also occur out of "old habit" or imitation of an angry parent. Anger is what we label the biochemical/physiological response we experience when our wants and needs are not met, when we are blocked from pursuing our goals, when we are hurting either physically or emotionally, or when we have experienced a loss of some kind. Anger is a natural emotion and a powerful energizer.
http://www.mtstcil.org/skills/assert-2.html
What is Assertiveness and Why be Assertive?
by the Center for Independent Learning
TO ASSERT -- To state an opinion, claim a right, or establish authority. If you assert yourself, you behave in a way that expresses your confidence, importance or power and earns you respect from others. - From the Oxford English Dictionary
Assertiveness is standing up for your right to be treated fairly. It is expressing your opinions, needs, and feelings, without ignoring or hurting the opinions, needs, and feelings of others.
http://cmhc.utexas.edu/booklets/assert/assertive.html
What is being assertive?
by the University of Texas Counseling and Mental Health Centre
Standing up for your rights and not being taken advantage of is one definition of being assertive.
It also means communicating what you really want in a clear fashion, respecting your own rights and feelings and the rights and feelings of others.
Assertion is an honest and appropriate expression of one's feelings, opinions, and needs.
It takes self-analysis, and then practice, but the results are worth it.
http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-be-assertive
How To Be Assertive
by videojug Learn how to take control of your life by effectively communicating with others. Confrontation doesn't have to be unpleasant; it can be a vehicle in which you get to broadcast your feelings and thoughts to someone, if done properly.
http://www.itstime.com/mar99.htm#tips1
Dealing with Difficult People
What makes people "difficult"? Usually, the difficult person is someone who is working from the negative side of their personality, rather than a conscious desire to be difficult. The person is often unaware of themselves and how they affect others. They also don't realize how harmful their actions are to their own career success.
http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/sitemap.html
Sitemap: child-abuse-effects.com
Looking for a specific page? This sitemap categorizes and displays links to pages of child-abuse-effects.com for your convenience and edification.
http://media.wiley.com/product_data/excerpt/09/04700110/0470011009.pdf
EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT
Children, young people, or adults who suffered some form of abuse in the
past, always refer to emotional hurt and psychological pain before
mentioning physical pain. Almost without exception, victims of abuse will
talk about fear, anxiety, loneliness, emotional lack of support, and being
ignored, degraded and humiliated, feeling unloved and unwanted, and being powerless when terrorised or tormented by parents or carers.
http://www.sagepub.com/upm-data/8745_KellowayCh6.pdf
Workplace Emotional Abuse
by Loraleigh Keashly & Steve Harvey
Just before leaving for the weekend, George answers a call on the help line and
quickly realizes it’s from Mr. French, who’s always got a problem late in the day. His
computer’s crashed again, he informs George, and this time he demands to talk to
somebody competent!
http://www.preventchildabuse.org/advocacy/downloads/emotional_abuse.pdf
Preventing Child Emotional Abuse
Child emotional abuse is a misunderstood, insidious, and psychologically
damaging form of child maltreatment, which can lead to low self-esteem,
anxiety, depression, and self-destructive behavior.
http://www.aifs.gov.au/nch/pubs/issues/issues8/issues8.html
Issues in Child Abuse Prevention
Emotional Abuse: the hidden form of maltreatment
by Adam M Tomison and Joe Tucci
The foundations for good mental health are laid down in the emotional development that occurs in infancy and later childhood and appears to be dependent upon the quality and frequency of response to an infant or child from a parent or primary caregiver (O'Hagan 1993; Oates 1996). The parental response to the infant's emotions or expressive behaviours usually results in the formation of an attachment bond between the two. This bond develops in the early months and years of life, and is closely linked to the behavioural response of the parent and the ongoing cycle of parent-child interaction.
http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/index-eng.php
National Clearinghouse on Family Violence
by the Public Health Agency of Canada E-Bulletins, Resources, Best Practices, Find Support
http://www.camh.net/About_Addiction_Mental_Health/Mental_Health_Information/women_recognize_trauma.html
Women: What do these signs have in common? Recognizing the effects of abuse-related trauma
by the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health
Trauma is a normal response to being abused. Many children survive abuse by developing ways of coping that last into adulthood. Abuse-related trauma can develop after a person has been hurt and/or neglected, usually in childhood. Common effects of trauma...
http://www.lisaescott.com/2012/01/19/key-recovering-narcissist
The Key to Recovering from a Narcissist
by Lisa E. Scott
The key to recovering from a narcissist is to find ourselves again. We must start having some self-compassion for ourselves for a change. We have an abundance of compassion for others, which is why the narcissist targeted us, but we never share any of it with ourselves!
http://clearreflectioncoaching.com/emotional-advocacy
Emotional Advocacy
by Elaine Le Joie The hardest but most essential skill for an Empath to master is boundaries on the emotional plane with others. Empaths, who are highly developed at processing emotional energy, especially for others, naturally take the emotional energy of the people in their environment on themselves. When we are in relationship with dissociated people, their unwanted emotional energy feels like our own energy, and we must make ourselves feel better by processing it for them. The Empath becomes the advocate or the defender of the dissociated person.
http://www.nomadjournaltrips.com/journal_writing
Journal Writing
Journal writing is known to be beneficial on a practical and therapeutic level. We think so highly of journal writing, we built our entire company around it!
http://www.createwritenow.com/
JOURNAL WRITING: THE PLANET'S BEST SELF-DISCOVERY TOOL
by Mari L. McCarthy
When You start and keep a daily Journaling for the Self of It™ practice, You discover who You really are, You heal your psychophysical wounds and create the life You desperately desire to live!
http://www.journaltherapy.com/rosen.htm
A Brief History of Journal Therapy
by Kathleen Adams Journal Therapy is the act of writing down thoughts and feelings to sort through problems and come to deeper understandings of oneself or the issues in one's life. Unlike traditional diary writing, where daily events and happenings are recorded from an exterior point of view, journal therapy focuses on the writer's internal experiences, reactions, and perceptions. Through this act of literally reading his or her own mind, the writer is able to perceive experiences more clearly and thus feels a relief of tension. This has been shown to have mental and physical health benefits.
Contributed by member Krista Michelle Schaffner
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201204/
Recognizing, understanding and overcoming the debilitating impact of maternal narcissism. by Karyl McBride, Ph.D.
Having studied mother-daughter connections for twenty years, as well as writing about maternal narcissism, I find a misnomer that keeps rearing its unexpected head. Mother’s Day is approaching and this time of year discussions about mothers explode, but of course the roaring voices describing maternal narcissism are hushed to the background. We hear the praise and celebrations about good mothering, but simultaneously the complete stillness and silence about inadequate mothering.
http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm
Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self
The Web Site of Robert Burney
The process of Recovery teaches us how to take down the walls and protect ourselves in healthy ways - by learning what healthy boundaries are, how to set them, and how to defend them. It teaches us to be discerning in our choices, to ask for what we need, and to be assertive and Loving in meeting our own needs. (Of course many of us have to first get used to the revolutionary idea that it is all right for us to have needs.)
(quotes from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls)
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/setting-boundaries.htm
Personal Boundaries in Relationships: Stop Saying 'Yes' When You Mean 'No'
by Melanie Tonia Evans
Boundaries define who we are. They establish ‘what is me’ and ‘what isn’t me.’
http://www.cbn.com/family/familyadvice/Hawkins_BetterBoundaries.aspx
Set Boundaries for a Better Relationship
Dr. David Hawkins -The Relationship Doctor
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14688-establishing-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships/
Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
By Jake Lawson
People with low self-esteem have their major difficulties in relationships with others. This is because they are unable to establish healthy boundaries or limits with people. The reason, for this inability, is that with low self-esteem comes a variety of irrational thoughts, emotions and actions which leads people to lose themselves in relationships with others.
I can think of no more important skill to help us relate in a healthy way than setting boundaries. You can learn healthy communication skills, and that will help. You can learn how to manage conflict—that will be of tremendous value. You can learn to pray and laugh together, and that certainly will have powerful results. But, if you don’t know how to define and maintain your personal and relational boundaries, you’ll be in serious trouble. That was the topic of my last article, concerning living with paper fences.
http://askjan.hubpages.com/hub/Relationship-advice-how-to-set-boundaries-tips-from-a-therapist
Relationship advice-how to set boundaries-tips from a therapist
By Ask Jan Is your relationship in trouble because of poor boundaries or no boundaries at all? Boundaries are like a line we draw in the sand - a line not to be crossed. Boundaries help protect us from verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse physical space, and protect us from negative influences. Boundaries also help us to get our needs met.
http://www.mkprojects.com/fa_emotions.html
How To Understand, Identify Release Your Emotions.
By Mary Kurus
http://outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/Boundaries.html
Boundaries
Out of the FOG (FOG stands for Fear, Obligation, Guilt)
http://n-continuum.blogspot.ca/2010/01/narcissists-push-boundaries.html
Narcissists Push Boundaries
Sandra Brown
http://graceformyheart.wordpress.com/2012/03/02/boundaries/
Boundaries: Grace For My Heart
Dave Orrison
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.ca/2008/03/angry-with-narcissist-read-on.html
Angry with a Narcissist?
Anna Valerious
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-stop-being-a-victim-and-start-creating-your-life/
How to Stop Being a Victim and Start Creating Your Life
contribution by Harriet Cabelly
http://www.realpsychology.com/content/gps-parents-and-teachers/how-stop-being-a-victim
How to Stop Being a Victim
Real Psychology
http://kathleenruth.wordpress.com/2011/02/08/how-to-stop-being-a-victim-finding-and-using-your-own-power/
How To Stop Being A Victim: Finding And Using Your Own Power
Posted by: Ruth
http://sidawson.org/2011/05/how-to-stop-being-a-victim-and-regain-your-power.html
How To Stop Being A Victim And Regain Your Power
by Si Dawson
http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2011/01/how_to_manage_your_energy.html
How to Stop Being a Victim of Your Own Life
Douglas R. Conant
http://www.ratracetrap.com/the-rat-race-trap/stop-being-the-victim.html
Stop Being the Victim
by Stephen Mills
http://christinekane.com/stop-being-the-victim-you%E2%80%99re-more-powerful-than-that/
Stop Being the Victim (You’re More Powerful than That!)
Written by Christine Kane
http://shankman.com/how-to-avoid-being-a-victim-anywhere-any-time/
How To Avoid Being A Victim, Anywhere, Any time.
PETER SHANKMAN
http://dailysignsofhope.com/?p=445
Stop Playing the Victim
by Michael Clark
http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2009/10/09/
How to Break Out of a Victim Mentality: 7 Powerful Tips
by Henrik Edberg
http://beverly-hill.suite101.com/victim-no-more-a47165
Stop Being a Victim & Take Control of Your Life
by Beverly Hill
http://goodpal.hubpages.com/hub/Stop-Being-a-Victim-of-Mental-Chatter
How to Stop Being a Victim of Your Mental Chatter
by GoodPal
http://www.mtoomey.com/SeniorStopBeingVictim.html
How to Stop Being A Victim by Using the Power of Words
Michele Toomey, PhD
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200901/how-avoid-being-victim
Psychology Today: Here to Help -- How to Avoid Being a Victim
By Chuck Hustmyre, Jay Dixit
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/how-to-stop-being-a-victim
How to stop being a victim?
By Morty Lefkoe
http://narc-attack.blogspot.ca/2008/04/blaming-victim-of-narcissism.html
Blaming the Victim of Narcissism
by Kathy (What Makes Narcissists Tick)
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-white-knight-syndrome
The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself From Your Need to Rescue Others
by Mary Lamia and Marilyn Krieger
http://blog.theartofchange.com/persuasion/dealing-with-difficult-people/
How To Stop Being Manipulated by Narcissists
by Dr. Rick Kirschner
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lindsey-mead-russell/
10 Things I Want My Daughter To Know Before She Turns 10 (Contributed by Melissa Bolton): apply these things to yourselves and your children... Just in case you missed out yourself, be your own mother.
by Lindsey Mead Russell
http://www.kristinnoelle.com/2012/03/21/8-things-i-believe/
On Trust And Fear: 8 Things I Believe (Contributed from Melissa Bolton)
with Kristin Noelle
http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/
The Most Powerful Thing About You
Some helpful stuff from some dude I can't find the name of, but it might be Dan
http://upsi-upsi.blogspot.ca/
Info from an ACON (Adult Child of Narcissist)...
Common problems, FLEAS, etc
(by Upsi) You Don't Have To Dance For Them
http://lifelightloveafternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/darkness/
Light, Life, Love & Laughter after npd Abuse
Lie Down With Dogs & You’re Bound to Get Fleas
http://www.narcissism101.com/Beginning/wisewoman.html
Wise Woman: Sometimes you need help, but be careful who helps you!
A unique take on Fleas: learned behaviour
http://voxxi.com/how-to-deal-with-criticism-about-your-body-mujer-voxpopuli/
How to deal with criticism about your body
By Rosie Molinary/VOXXI Mujer
When someone comments about your physicality, it is never about you. It is about her, about the story she has told herself about her appearance, about the narrative she is choosing to live.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/family/the-curse-of-a-mean-mother/article1328427/
The curse of a mean mother
Sarah Boesveld
While every human being is wired to love and care for other human beings, moms aren't necessarily hard-wired to love their children, she adds. This deems “a mother's love” a myth, says Andrea O'Reilly, director of the Association for Research on Mothering at York University.
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/01/20/why-ruminating-is-unhealthy-and-how-to-stop/
Why Ruminating is Unhealthy and How to Stop
By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.
http://www.intropsych.com/ch13_therapies/ten_irrational_ideas.html
Ten Irrational Ideas
Dr. Dewey/Albert Ellis
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/overcoming-self-sabotage/201002/rumination-problem-solving-gone-wrong
Overcoming Self-Sabotage: How to understand and regulate destructive behaviors.
by Eddie Selby
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/test-case/201012/why-do-we-ruminate
Why Do We Ruminate? The functions rumination serves...
Melissa Kirk
http://www.psychotherapybrownbag.com/psychotherapy_brown_bag_a/rumination/
Thinking it through: How cognitive responses to emotions impact our vulnerability to stress, anxiety, and worry
Mike Anestis is a doctoral candidate in the clinical psychology department at Florida State University
http://www.ehow.com/facts_5007026_depressive-rumination-nature-theory-treatment.html
Depressive Rumination: Nature, Theory and Treatment
By Carolyn Lawrence
http://www.psychologytools.org/
Rumination Focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Psychology Tools -- by Professor Ed Watkins, etc
http://www.apa.org/monitor/nov05/cycle.aspx
Probing the depression-rumination cycle: Why chewing on problems just makes them harder to swallow.
By BRIDGET MURRAY LAW
http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/video/facebook-users-ruminating-or-savoring.html
Facebook Users: Ruminating or Savoring?
Association for Psychological Science
http://www.psychology-solution.com/anxiety/stop-worrying
How to Stop Worrying
Psychology Solution
THERE’S A BIG DIFFERENCE between problem solving and needless worrying, or ruminating.
http://markwestman.blogspot.ca/2009/08/stop-awfulizing-musturbating-and.html
Stop Awfulizing, Musturbating, and Shoulding Yourself!
Mark on his Random Enlightenment Blog
http://coachdeanhebert.wordpress.com/2007/07/28/do-you-rebound-or-awfulize/
Do you rebound or awfulize?
The Running World According to Dean
http://ponderabout.com/archives/1530/awfulizing.aspx
Awfulizing
by PonderAbout
http://www.lgcplus.com/lgc-news/what-is-awfulize/1542807.article
What is 'awfulize'?
Local Government Chronicle
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/03/01/proof-positive-counting-your-blessings/
Proof Positive: Counting Your Blessings
By Daniel Tomasulo, Ph.D.
http://www.talkaboutsleep.com/sleep-disorders/archives/
Using Cognitive Restructuring Techniques To Minimize The Effects of Stress On Sleep
By Dr. Gregg D. Jacobs
http://www.psychologylounge.com/2007/11/05/how-anger-works-the-sap-model-part-1/
How Anger Works: The SAP Model ™ (Part 1)
Dr. Andrew Gottlieb is a clinical psychologist in Palo Alto, California. Dr. Gottlieb specializes in treating anxiety, depression, relationship problems, and other difficulties using evidence-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is a modern no-drug therapy approach that is targeted, skill-based, and proven effective by many research studies.
How to Stop Anger in its Tracks: Applying the SAP™ Model in Three Easy Steps (Part 2)
http://www.psychologylounge.com/2007/11/23/
http://overcomingsexualabuse.com/2012/05/24/blamed-myself-since-i-didnt-tell/
I Blamed Myself For My Abuse Since I Didn’t Tell
Christina Enevoldsen
When I finally acknowledged that I didn’t have power or choices when I was a child, I was released from guilt and blame so I could be empowered now. I can’t change the past, but I’m very capable of healing from it.
http://www.lightshouse.org/try-someone-else.html#axzz1yLC7YuLk
How to Stop Being The Scapegoat at Home, Work , Friendships and Relationsips
http://thelegendarynarcissist.com/can-children-of-narcissist-parents-ever-recover-dragon-heart/
Can the Adult Children of Narcissist parents Ever Recover? (Yes)
http://thelegendarynarcissist.com/can-children-of-narcissist-parents-ever-recover-dragon-heart/
Can Children of Narcissist Parents Ever Recover? YES, you can recover from NPD Parents!
First of all you need to learn about recovery and what recovery really is.
There is 12 step recovery and then there is therapy and then there is Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT or "Tapping" is a technique to relieve emotional disstress and clear the issues that are stuck), and there is the Recovery Model in the mental health field.
Read More from The Legendary Narcissist: Can Children of Narcissist Parents Ever Recover? | The Legendary Narcissist
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution No Derivatives
by Dragon Heart
http://thecurrentconscience.com/blog/2011/09/12/
A Message To Women From A Man: You Are Not “Crazy”
We will be soon releasing our first short e-book, entitled, A Message To Women From A Man: You Are Not Crazy — How We Teach Men That Women Are Crazy and How We Convince Women To Ignore Their Instincts.
--Yashar Ali is a Los Angeles-based columnist, commentator, and political veteran whose writing is showcased on The Current Conscience.
(Contributed by Melissa Bolton)
http://ticklestogiggles.blogspot.ca/2010/05/my-birthday-was-awesome.html
Random Acts of Kindness
from the Blogger "What a Ride"
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