Nowadays: Dec 2009

My husband and I are doing well. He's got a new job, as the previous one was way too stressful. I'm not as stressed at my job lately a) because I spoke to our union and was told I have nothing to worry about, and b) because my old manager is moving to a different department and I will be working under someone else who other people I have spoken to seem to have higher regard for.  We never speak of such things to my parents.  My dad tells everything I say to my mom.  And mom will try to interfere.  She will not support my husband taking a risk and doing this.  She will try to say he is being selfish, or ask if there is something wrong with him, or start some kind of campaign to find him a job.

We're going to have a little visit on Christmas Day with my parents, although one can only stand so much time with them before they start to get on your nerves... lol Most specifically my mom and brother, but what are you gonna do? My husband's mom still lives in Florida and we visited with her in September. We've spent Christmas down in Florida before but we're afraid if she comes here in December she'll freeze solid! lol  When we were younger, we used to spend a lot more time around my parents...  Perhaps it wasn't an abnormal amount of time, but nowadays it feels like if we spend more than a few hours my mom starts turning back into her old self and trying to exert control and exhibiting strange or irritating behaviour (consciously or unconsciously, it's hard to tell)...

My mom is strange, but I haven't gotten to the point yet that my youngest brother has where he doesn't talk to her (hasn't for over 5 years). I find him the closest-to-sane relative besides my husband. Even though we are about 900 km apart, he is still my closest blood relative. lol 

On the other hand, my middle brother seems to be happy taking over the role of baby of the family (although I think he's always been crippled by mom's special attention and lack of discipline - even if he is a bit unusual himself to deal with), and lets mom and dad buy him groceries, buy him a car and maintain it, and allow him to come to their house whenever he wants to use the computer, watch TV or eat their food... I am not sure who is really at an advantage in that relationship, as it seems unhealthy to me on either end. 

My middle brother Chris lives at his home like it was a hovel, if he lived in a warmer climate it would likely be infested by cockroaches and mice. He's gotten intestinal illnesses more than once, living in the conditions he does, and he refuses to take prescription medication of any kind, even for his asthma. He is a bit dotty I am afraid. And he wonders and laments, when he lives the way he does, why no girl wants to stay with him for any long period of time except perhaps if they want to use him in some respect. He hasn't been able to hold down a job more than perhaps 3 months average - but probably because mom and dad will help him out no matter what, he doesn't hesitate and feels it is healthy for him to quit. He is a chef, which he loves, but no matter which job he has it's always someone's fault for him leaving that job.

Where do I fit in? I'm sort of available to my parents, but not on their terms. I have been influenced by my mother like my middle brother before, and I don't want to be at that disadvantage anymore. However, I guess because I kind of understand my mother doesn't mean to be a narcissistic and manipulative woman, and that she is kind of a product of her upbringing and past experience, I can't quite tear myself away from a relationship, although at one point in my life there was about 3 years where I didn't speak to her. So we have boundaries, which we maintain, because my mom has issues with boundaries. We don't tell her stressful events that are going on in our lives, we don't let her know about major decisions we are contemplating and we certainly don't pass messages between her and my youngest brother. They are at least managing to maintain some sort of communication, although somewhat stilted, via email. My dad, poor thing, is a bit of a wimp. Also a product of his upbringing. Mother has him wrapped around her little finger. She has said or done things that I don't think sane people (such as myself or my youngest brother) should be supported. But yet my dad is supportive of her. He won't stick up for his children. My guess he is as afraid of her as we are sometimes, that perhaps she will leave him, or if he gets ill in his old age, she will stuff him in an old folk's home or something.

As it is, we are going to Christmas Mass on Dec 24th with them, and then going home (to our house). Then on Dec 25th (yes I have that day off) we are going to come over for a bit to my parents and have Christmas Dinner (it was at our place last year). We'll play it a bit by ear, but judging from a week ago, there is some sort of tension (again) between my middle brother and my mom, so as in Christmases in the past, methinks we might have a bit of a blowout this time.

I am bringing some desserts over (the ones in the Notes I mentioned on Facebook), and I am helping out with the veggies. We have an awesome family recipe from my late gramma (mom's mom) for stuffing, so we are going to have that and mom's turkey. Veggies will probably entail mashed potatoes, gravy, brussel sprouts, peas and carrots, and possibly some others, but those are usually the norm unless I am making the veggies. If I am then there will likely be yams or sweet potatoes with some brown sugar or maple syrup in them.

D (my husband) and I both have Christmas Day off, and Boxing Day is a stat, but I work it this year. It's been a stressful few months with both our jobs, but now that D has a new job at some point we'll let my family know. Not really in a hurry to divulge anything, but as long as we didn't tell my mom he was looking for a job, we wouldn't be barraged by countless phone calls and talks and advice about which jobs he should look for and such and someone she would know who might hire him etc... There is nothing more annoying then someone who thinks she knows everything and her getting mad at you because she's 'trying to help' but her 'help' isn't appreciated. lol

So I will take a deep breath and cross my fingers and see how things go, but when you lower your expectations enough, then you won't be disappointed, right? lol

WHITE MARE -- JULY 5 2009: Acrylic & Gesso, Canvas (20"X20")

I love how this reminds me of a constellation. It is an image I've had in my mind a long time. 

I think when my cousin, W, was molesting me, some part of me went somewhere else...  This is my tribute to that part of me that protected me, at least during that time those things were happening to me...  My mind which took me away and shielded me from fully experiencing a lot of what happened to me.